Tag: Growth

The Sum of My Parts

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The last book that I fully read from start to finish was “Invisible Monsters” by Chuck Palahniuk. I read this while I was training for the Big Sur Marathon because I needed a hobby other than running to keep me busy since I swore off alcohol during that time period.

I hate to admit this as a writer, but I seldom read books for recreation. I know that I should in order to inspire different writing styles and learn from other great authors, but I continuously make excuses that I don’t have enough time (which is not true)

This book, however, inspired me a great deal in terms of thinking outside of the box as a writer. One quote, in particular, resonated with me throughout the duration of my marathon training and still resonates with me now.

“Nothing of me is original. I am the combined effort of everyone I’ve ever known.”

Since I’ve been home, I’ve made it a point to see old friends that I’ve grown up with from high school and college. I like to check up on people to see how they are doing. Fortunately, I’ve been able to hang out with various groups of friends from different parts of my life. These are the people who still really matter to me; who have been with me through significant points of growth in my life up until this day. I’m grateful to have them in my life and glad that we still reconnect when we can.

It’s interesting, the conversations that I have with my different groups of friends. They all know me from different time periods, but somehow I’ve always been the same person throughout

As I continue my journey of “self-discovery” in New York City, I constantly as myself, Who am I? What makes me original?

I try to think of all of the things that make me separate my from the pack. However, I always come to the conclusion that there is someone out there who is doing the exact same thing as me, except better. There’s always a faster runner, a better singer, a stronger writer. But then I stop myself and ask why I’m even comparing to other people. Regardless of whether there are people who can do things better than I can, they can never do it with my style, my passion, my enthusiasm. And for that, I can only really thank the people who have me made me the way I am. My friends. My family. My teachers. My coaches. My co-workers. All of the people who have entered and exited my life. All of the people who I’ve encountered for brief periods of time or extended periods of time.

I remind myself of Chuck Palahniuk’s quote, but in a way that uplifts me. I am the combined effort of everyone I’ve ever known. If it weren’t for them, I wouldn’t be the person I am today. If we didn’t have other people to inspire us, we wouldn’t get very far.

The whole self that is me is more important than the things that I do, where I work, the music I like, the food I eat.

As Aristotle once said, “The whole is greater than the sum of its parts” and I am the combined effort of everyone I’ve ever known.

Home is Where the Heart is

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A few years ago, while I was still in college, I wrote out a list of short-term and long-term goals that I wanted to accomplish after I graduated. Some of them seemed extraordinarily out of reach, but to my surprise, I was able to cross a lot off of my list. Among these things, my biggest accomplishment still stands as taking that leap of faith to move into New York City. I can’t emphasize enough how grateful I am for getting a job in the city, and shortly after, finding an apartment.

For the few months when I was commuting back and forth from New Jersey to New York City, I was miserable. I was cranky and irritated almost every day and I couldn’t wait until I moved out. I grew resentful towards New Jersey and living at home. I felt like I was missing out on everything that the city had to offer. I always had to rush home just to get enough sleep so that I could wake up and go back into the city the next day. It was exhausting.

When the big day finally arrived, I couldn’t be more excited to embark on a new chapter of my life. I couldn’t wait to leave everything and everyone behind from my “former life.” During the first month of living in New York City, I went out almost every night and definitely every weekend. I felt like I had an infinite amount of freedom. Eventually, the excitement fizzled out and “city life” just became regular life. Living in New York City was no longer this fantastical idea. It was reality. it was then that I began to miss home.

There were weekends when all I wanted to do was see my old friends, go home, and eat my parent’s food.

People always think that the grass is greener on the other side. Sometimes, it is. Sometimes, it isn’t. We fantasize of what life would be like in another person’s shoes. We want to explore uncharted territories and see what life is like somewhere other than that of what we’re familiar.

I love New York City and I love living in New York City. The only thing that the city doesn’t provide me with is the comfort of home.

As resentful as I was towards it, I can’t deny that New Jersey is my home and no matter what, it will always feel like home.

After all, home is where the heart is.

Soul Searching

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People come to New York City for a lot of different reasons. Ultimately, it boils down to two sides of the spectrum: Either you came here with a plan or you came here without a plan.

I’ve met a variety of people since I moved here. Everyone has a unique story. Everyone has their reasons. Usually, they’ve come here in search of something. There are other times when they’ve come to get away from the place they were before; for a change of pace.

Yesterday, while I was sitting at Starbucks, I met a man who came to the United States only two days ago from Israel. He came straight to New York City. When I was speaking to him, he told me that he was looking for a place to stay for the night. I suggested that he try looking on Craiglist because there are always available rooms posted there (Plus, I found my apartment that way) He shook his head in disagreement and said that he was interested in a place near Wall Street that he wanted to check out. He, then, asked me how to get there by walking. We were in Union Square at the time, and honestly, I had never walked from Union Square to Wall Street, so I had to look at my iPhone to map out the best route.

“I’ll figure it out,” he told me.

I was shocked at how nonchalant he was about not having a definite place to stay. He reassured me that he was going to be okay. I smiled and wished him good luck. I had a feeling that he would be just fine. People eventually find their way in New York City.

As he left, I reflected on all of the people that I’ve met so far. Some have come from every corner of the United States: California, Florida, West Virginia, North Carolina, North Dakota, Maine, Massachusetts. The list goes on.

What I love so much about New York City is how you can come here with a fresh start. It doesn’t matter where you came from. You can redefine yourself. It’s a place of self-discovery. Here, we all have a clean slate and it’s a common thread that unites everyone who lives here.

The other thing about New York City is how much it can tear you down. It can make you feel more alone and lost than you’ve ever felt in your life. And if you let it, it can swallow you whole, which is why many people also feel the need to get out. Endless waves of people are constantly coming in and out of this city.

New York City has beaten me up many times since I’ve been here, but I can’t say I’m ungrateful for it. Originally, I came here with a plan. I came here for work. I came here to run away from home. I’ve realized, however, that my problems just came with me. No matter how far you run away, the things that you’re running away from will always catch up to you.

I spent a lot of time alone this weekend, which is exactly what I needed. I slowed down my life a little from going out so much the past few weekends. I came to understand that New York City is making me strong so that I can face these problems.

The reasons for why I originally came here have changed. I, now, know that I came here to do soul searching. There have been times where I felt like I couldn’t handle this city. I wanted to get out, like a lot of other people. But, I’m not even halfway done with my journey.

Every day, I’m getting a little closer to finding myself. This is why I came here.

Things I’ve learned since living in New York City

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Last night, I had a difficult time sleeping. At the maximum, I probably tallied around 2-3 hours of sleep in total. I’ve been restless, stressed out, and agitated lately. A lot has been on my mind and I’ve been feeling like I’m going slightly insane. My scapegoat: New York City.

After having a heart-to-heart with my roommate, I was reassured that temporary insanity is quite normal when you live in the city long enough.

As a result of this realization, I made a short list of things I’ve learned since I moved here. It’s a random list, and most certainly on-going, but this is what I came up with so far…

– Every man for himself
– Know what you’re going to order at a deli, bar, coffee shop, etc. before getting to the register
– Personal space doesn’t exist
– One minute can make all the difference between being 15 minutes late or 15 minutes early
– It’s never been so easy to completely stop talking to someone
– The city isn’t as big as you’d think, aka, you can still run into people you know ANYWHERE
– Walking fast is necessary
– Dating sucks
– Buy groceries in New Jersey
– Happy hour is still expensive
– Cheap food, however, does exist
– There are a million free things to do and still have fun
– Have your metrocard ready prior to going through the turnstile
– Taxi drivers hustle you
– TIMING IS EVERYTHING
– It’s easy to feel completely alone even in a fully crowded bar
– Cockroaches are everywhere
– When looking for an apartment, you have to compromise no matter what (unless you’re filthy rich)

Again, this is definitely an on-going list. I’ve only been living in New York City for 8 months, but I’ve learned a lot about people and about myself. I’m still trying to figure it all out though.

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Lessons Learned

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It’s 11:16PM and I want to get this entry written before midnight when it’s technically Tuesday because I don’t want to go more than a day without blogging.

I had been thinking all day about what I wanted to write about. Instead of coming up with new material, I’m going to re-publish something that I wrote in my journal a while back. This may sound lazy, but at least give me partial credit because I was originally going to publish it as a page instead of a post.

Back Story: I have this light purple journal which says “Journal” on it (Yes I know, I am not discrete at all) I bought this journal from Barnes & Noble during the Summer of 2011 when I decided that I needed to start writing again (to record personal thoughts, experiences, etc.)

This journal entry was written at 12:22AM on August 22nd, 2011. I don’t know what motivated me to write this, but I must have either been in a really great mood or I had some sort of grand realization about my life. Anyways, this was what I wrote:

“Lessons Learned:

#1 Whenever things seem really bad, know that it will always get better

#2 Never let one big fight end a friendship

#3 Put your pride down and ask people to hang out instead of waiting for them to ask you

#4 Before you open your mouth, think about whether it will make the situation better or worse

#5 Always be nice to people, no matter how awful they seem to be – you never know if they’ll be important to you some day

#6 Give everyone a chance – don’t judge on petty observations

#7 Try to see the bright side to every negative experience – there is a lesson in it

#8 God really doesn’t give you situations you can’t handle

#9 Be thankful for your family

#10 Be thankful for your friends

#11 No matter how someone exited your life, good or bad, they have made some sort of impact on your life – so appreciate them

#12 Alone time can be a good thing. Learn to be with yourself

#13 Make use of every minute of every day

#14 Do things that make you happy

#15 When you feel sadness or anger, take it in and then let it go

#16 Smile as much as you can

#17 Do not eat until you are stuffed to the point where it’s hard to get up, eat only until you are satisfied. It’s okay to not finish your food at a restaurant

#18 If you don’t feel up to it, don’t work out. Stretch instead

#19 Don’t stare at people too much, they will eventually notice

#20 Stay out of gossip about other people. Saying negative things about other people is just a negative reflection of yourself

#21 Know when to stand up for yourself or when to just let it go

#22 Always say “please”, “thank you”, and “you’re welcome”

#23 Never let anyone make you feel inferior or incompetent

#24 Know your limits – to everything. Drinking. Eating. Exercising. There’s nothing wrong with testing yourself, but you’re only human

#25 Enjoy beautiful scenery and environments. The world can be a very beautiful place

#26 Don’t get embarrassed

#27 Stay creative in as many ways as possible

#28 Work towards your goals and then meet them. After that, make new goals

#29 Get enough sleep

#30 Always pee before you leave the house and always pee when you have to pee

#31 If you have no one to tell something to, write it down

#32 MONEY ISN’T EVERYTHING

#33 Don’t over-work yourself

#34 Beware of stress- it really does quite a number on your body

#35 Balance is key

#36 Relaxation is important. If you feel overwhelmed, drop everything and BREATHE

#37 Don’t feel sorry for yourself – you are wonderful

#38 Stop saying sorry for things that are NOT your fault

#39 Don’t make yourself the victim – bad things happen to people every day. Just move on

#40 Be happy with what you have

#41 Stop going on Facebook so much

#42 Not everyone is going to like you, but that’s okay. They just didn’t take the chance to get to know you which is their own loss

#43 Be enthusiastic about everything”

Now I know that was a lot to take in, but for me, I’m glad that I wrote those things down and am now re-writing them in this blog.

Looking back on it, I now remember why I wrote this.

I wrote this right after I was diagnosed with Crohn’s Disease, the Summer before my Senior year of College. It was a really difficult time for me and I had a lot that I was dealing with at the time. I wrote this list almost two years ago and it’s amazing to see how many of these lessons I have actually remembered and applied to my life. I’ve grown a lot since I wrote these, but I’ve also neglected a lot of these things. It takes time to change, but little by little, change will happen.

Hopefully this helps some of you out in your daily struggles, as they have helped me.