Hindsight Bias

I learned about the concept of “Hindsight Bias” in a Social Psychology class that I took in college. When my professor was giving examples of situations that applied to this concept, I couldn’t stop laughing and nodding my head in agreement. To this day, I still can’t help but whip out this term whenever I catch myself doing it. It reassures me that the thousands of dollars I spent on college haven’t gone to waste.

In a nutshell, the concept of “Hindsight Bias” is defined as looking back at a past event and convincing yourself that you already knew how the situation was going to end. Essentially, you say to yourself, “Well I knew this wasn’t going to work out anyways”, when in reality, you had no idea what was going to happen. However, given the information you know in the present, it comforts you to know that you were in control all along. This saves yourself from owning up to your own poor judgement. It’s a defense mechanism.

I do this a lot to protect myself and keep myself happy.

I had a lot of time to myself after running the Big Sur Marathon in California last Sunday. I took this entire past week off of work because I needed to recuperate and I was also in desperate need of a vacation. I spent half of the week remaining in Monterey while the rest of my co-workers went back to the East Coast to return to work.

During this time, I reflected a lot on my marathon, my life, my friends, my future, growing up, etc. I definitely needed this time to collect myself and my thoughts.

When I looked back on running the marathon, part of me still couldn’t even believe that I had done it. The other part of me wished that I had tried harder. I kept tracing back to every mile and trying to figure out why I didn’t go any faster. After I finished the marathon, I found out that me and my co-workers all finished within only several minutes of each other. I kept telling myself, “If only I stayed with one of them, I could have easily ran under 4 hours. If I only knew that they were so close, I would have gone faster”

Of course, there’s nothing I can do about it now. But now, I’m even more determined to run another marathon with a significantly faster time

I keep going over in my head about the things that have affected my training and the lack of miles that I logged. It saddens me that I can’t just be satisfied with saying that I completed my first marathon in the time I ran, on one of the toughest courses in America. Instead, I’m beating myself up for the “should haves” and “could haves”

I don’t want to do that anymore though.

I got back to New York City around 10:30PM on Wednesday night. I didn’t get to my apartment until about midnight. Fortunately, I had the next two days off of work, so I didn’t have to worry about waking up early.

I continued a lot of my heavy thinking. I thought more about where I want to be in 5 years and what I really out of my life (all the normal things that people in their mid-20’s worry about)

It’s funny that the moment I got back to New York City, I just wanted to be back in California again, yet when I was in California, I couldn’t wait to go back home. It’s the ‘grass is always greener’ mentality.

I started saying to myself, “My life would be so much better and more relaxing if I just lived in California”, but then I realized something: If I keep on chasing things and places and am never satisfied with what I have or where I am, then will I ever be truly happy?

This past weekend, I spent a lot of time with my friends and had the time of my life.

I realized that what I need to learn is how to be happy with where I am. As Jon Kabat-Zinn said, “Where ever you go, there you are”

No matter where I go or how far I run away from home, I’m still myself and if I’m not happy where I currently am, I won’t be happy anywhere I go.

Hindsight bias (although sometimes necessary) can be dangerous. Look back on a situation if need be, but move on. Be happy with yourself. Be happy where you are. Be happy as much as you can be.

The Depth of a Hashtag

In continuation to my post about the beautiful weather that New York City had on Tuesday, I’d like to include more details on some recent observations I have made.

On Tuesday night, as I was walking with my sister down 3rd Avenue from the 86th Street entrance of Central Park, I noticed that we were both mindlessly documenting the amazing run we just had. Both she and I were uploading post-run photos onto Instagram and Twitter, then waiting and watching as the wave of “likes” came rushing in. We even asked each other our opinions before posting.

At first, I didn’t comment on the fact that we were doing this. I didn’t think twice about it. It was just a normal thing to do. Not until hours later when I kept checking back on my photos and status updates, did I realize how involved I was with social media.

In all honesty, I’m the type of person who is in denial of a current fad. I subtly refuse to give into the popular websites (aside from Facebook). I can shamelessly admit that only recently have I truly gained a greater understanding towards the impact of hashtags. I never fully grasped the concept of a hashtag. I thought that Twitter was so silly at first. I often said to myself, “Why do we need another website to update your status when you can just do that on Facebook?” I have repeatedly created and deleted my Twitter account approximately 3 or 4 times because I didn’t see the purpose of it. I can finally say that I have the hang of it now (for the most part).

Originally, I didn’t even know that Instagram was a form of social media. I just thought that it was an application to help make my pictures look pretty due to the lack of strong camera quality that my poor, little iPhone 3 had to offer. I never labeled my photos, followed anyone, or used hashtags to connect myself to other Instagram users. I just wanted my pictures to look less crappy and also make myself feel slightly artsy (I’m totally not)

Only recently have I signed up for Pinterest, and even with that, I haven’t had a chance to look through it because I’m too lazy to filter my interests.

Then comes SnapChat, which I got quickly bored with. Why did I need to individually send people pictures of the random day-to-do activities I’m partaking in? I can just send a mass photo-upload to Facebook or Twitter.

We are so consumed in these various social media sites that it takes up hours and hours of our day just to upload photos and statuses, look through our news feed, like, comment, and do all the other things that these sites have to offer. I have even noticed lately that I come home to my apartment to go on my computer even more after I have already been on the computer all day at work.

I catch myself purposely interrupting my life just to post about my life. Why do people even care? Why do we need to know so much about people’s whereabouts? It’s information overload. With a simple click on Google’s search engine, we are yielded with an overabundance of information on just about anything from potatoes to who Adam Levine is currently dating. It’s very overwhelming.

I recently caught up on Season 7 of “How I Met Your Mother”, which is my favorite show and I will often reference scenes from episodes. In one episode on Season 7, there was scene where the characters were sitting together at a bar, not even speaking to each other. They were just looking at their phones. Then, it flashed back to about 6 or 7 years ago, before the introduction to smart phones and the massive spike in social media websites. In the flashback scene, they were sitting together at the bar, laughing, talking, and having a good time with just each other’s mere presence.

How did hanging out with friends become so impersonal? I saw a Facebook status update of a friend who somehow had an entire conversation with her boyfriend only using “Meme“, which for those of you who don’t know, are random pictures with a statement that’s usually humorous and relates to a certain cultural stereotype- see below for example)

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We have the ability to constantly communicate with someone without using a single spoken word. It’s mad! I’m not cynical nor am I opposed to social media. Clearly, I am an active social media user. At this very moment, I am using WordPress to document these current thoughts going through my head. It’s just a shame that we have become desensitized to getting to know a person organically.

Where do we even go from here?

I fear for the future and wonder about the ripple effects of this glitch in verbal communication. I guess for now all I can say is Happy Posting!

Burned Bridges

There’s something about moving to a new city that makes life so much more exciting. You get to experience a new environment. You gain opportunities to meet new people. When you leave everyone who knew you behind, you get to be anybody you want to be; far from who you were when you were home. You get to re-write yourself.

I’m back home in New Jersey for Easter weekend and as much as I hate to admit it, I can’t deny the fact that it feels great to be back here. There’s a level of comfort that you can only get when you’re at home. It’s that sense of familiarity that consumes us. It’s the feeling we get around the people who watched us grow up before we became who we are. That’s what I like at least.

Every time I come home, I can always expect the same thing because it’s the same thing every time I come home. Nothing here has changed and I think that’s why I left. Everything was always the same. I got too comfortable.

Whenever I come back, I think a lot about people from my past. I do this on my own anyways, even when I’m at my apartment in the city, but it happens more so when I’m back in Edison. It’s because of that familiarity. The roads that I used to drive on, the school that I went to, the park where I used to play. All of these places are linked to memories and people who once meant a great deal to me at one point in my life. I always get sad looking back on it because as I got older, I learned that it’s so easy to lose people. We grow up. We change. We go different paths. There’s a part of me, though, that really misses those people. This can be said for all people at the different points in my life, the ones who have been long gone and the ones who I’ve recently lost. They’ve all made me who I am today. I thank them for that.

It’s hard for me, sometimes, to accept the fact that you can’t just pop into someone’s life un-announced anymore. I get such an urge to contact people who I haven’t spoken to in months or years. Every time this happens, a rush of spontaneity overcomes me and I start this text that I end up never sending because I suddenly realize, we don’t even know each other anymore.

There’s an episode of “How I Met Your Mother” which coins the term, “revertigo” which is when you go back to being the person you were around someone who you used to know from your past. The reason for this is because you can’t really go off anything else. When you get to a certain point where catching up hardly seems possible anymore, you can only draw on shared past memories. There are a lot of people in my life who I could go without seeing for months, but once we reunite, it’s like we had never been apart for a day. But then, there’s people who I just have nothing in common with anymore. There’s nothing to say, only old jokes to stir up some laughter for a brief moment. These are the people I lose.

I’ve recently started noticing that every time I come home now, there are less and less people that I have an urge to contact. I can’t tell if it’s me, or us, or life. But I always ask myself, “At what point, do you just give up on someone?”

All relationships are hard work, whether it be a friendship or a romance. Someone has to care though. It has to work both ways. So what I wonder is this:

Do you stop trying once you’re the only one who is?

I’ve gotten to many points lately where I’ve realized that it’s just me on my own. Now that I’ve come back home and I can’t think of a soul to tell that I’m here, I wonder, am I done losing everyone from back home? Have I strayed that far since I moved to New York?

My pride gets to me sometimes. I think, well if they’re not contacting me, then I certainly shouldn’t contact them.

That’s how you burn bridges.

I feel that I’ve burned a lot of mine and when I go back to the island of Manhattan, there will be no way for my friends to get to me anymore.

Shedding Dead Weight

This morning for breakfast, I had a large, soothing cup of green tea, whole wheat toast with Nutella, and a bowl of plain oatmeal with an added teaspoon of honey. This all came with a small side of cynicism.

I had one of those weekends where you make poor decisions because you’re just in the mood to have fun. Unfortunately for me, I am always left with a handful of regret when looking back in hindsight bias.

What I am referring to is alcohol and lack of sleep. This combination of things really take a toll on your body, especially when you are training for a marathon (and half-marathon)

In reference to my “Saying Goodbye to Alcohol” post, I always end up feeling a strong sense of guilt immediately after drinking (I really hope everyone on WordPress, or anyone publicly reading this, doesn’t think I’m a raging alcoholic- I’m absolutely not) I think subconsciously, I’m trying to get my last few drinks and weekends of fun out of the way before April 1st hits. (I wasn’t kidding when I said that I’m swearing off alcohol starting April 1st)

On Friday night, I went out for what was supposed to be a “chill night”. I’d really call it “an embarrassment towards my lack of tolerance for vodka shots, beer, and mixed alcoholic beverages. To highlight certain events of the night: I had my face planted to a table from the hours of 12AM through 3AM, I found a shot glass stuffed in my purse, I proposed to my friend from college, and ended the night eating meatball sandwiches at 4AM. This may sound awesome, but it most certainly was not any sort of awesome when I woke up the following morning. It must have slipped my mind that I always do my long runs on Saturday mornings.

Alas, I did do a semi-long run. It was definitely no where near the amount of mileage that I was anticipating to run this weekend. An hour and a half and less then 10 miles later, the nausea started to kick in which is quite shocking for how fast I ran.

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I had some slight relief of guilt knowing that I was motivated enough to even peel myself out of bed.

After my long run on Saturday afternoon, I met with a friend for burgers/frolicking around Union Square for several hours. By 9:30PM, I felt my body slowly breaking down and switching into off-mode. Once I arrived back to my apartment Uptown, I was ready to call it a night until I received a text from a high school friend telling me that he was in the city. Immediately, I felt obligated to meet up with him- It’s always such a rare occasion when my friends come to visit the city.

I restarted myself from sleep mode and forced myself to meet at him and our other friends at a bar on the West Side. I arrived to the bar around 12AM. After 45 minutes of waiting for them to get there, I was in an awful mood. I had a long headache-of-a-night prior, a long day with a semi-long run and hours of walking around Union Square, and somehow had what was left of my energy to make an effort to meet up with them. Once they arrived, all I wanted to do was throw my anger in their face, and that’s exactly what I did. I gulped down my last sip of the beer that I didn’t even want, released my anger, got in a cab and left.

When I woke up this morning and thought about the money that I wasted on two cab rides and a beer that I didn’t want, all of my rage came back burning inside the pit of my stomach. Naturally, I went to the gym to relieve my stress.

You would think that going to the gym would just make all of your rage magically disappear, but instead, I just got progressively angrier as I was frantically hurling myself back and forth on the elliptical. Ironically, I ended up having one of the best workouts in a very long time. Afterwards, my rage finally left me and I experienced a sense of euphoria.

What I meant when I titled this post, “Shedding Dead Weight”, was that I am going to stop trying to please all of my friends and accommodate for everyone by going out drinking. I should have picked an earlier date for my “no drinking” policy. Alas, the epiphany that I experienced was that I realized that I need to get serious about my life, my routine, my marathon training, my money, and my real friends.

So I end this post with this lovely e-card:

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The time for play is over. I need to hit my 20-mile long run soon.

Lessons Learned

It’s 11:16PM and I want to get this entry written before midnight when it’s technically Tuesday because I don’t want to go more than a day without blogging.

I had been thinking all day about what I wanted to write about. Instead of coming up with new material, I’m going to re-publish something that I wrote in my journal a while back. This may sound lazy, but at least give me partial credit because I was originally going to publish it as a page instead of a post.

Back Story: I have this light purple journal which says “Journal” on it (Yes I know, I am not discrete at all) I bought this journal from Barnes & Noble during the Summer of 2011 when I decided that I needed to start writing again (to record personal thoughts, experiences, etc.)

This journal entry was written at 12:22AM on August 22nd, 2011. I don’t know what motivated me to write this, but I must have either been in a really great mood or I had some sort of grand realization about my life. Anyways, this was what I wrote:

“Lessons Learned:

#1 Whenever things seem really bad, know that it will always get better

#2 Never let one big fight end a friendship

#3 Put your pride down and ask people to hang out instead of waiting for them to ask you

#4 Before you open your mouth, think about whether it will make the situation better or worse

#5 Always be nice to people, no matter how awful they seem to be – you never know if they’ll be important to you some day

#6 Give everyone a chance – don’t judge on petty observations

#7 Try to see the bright side to every negative experience – there is a lesson in it

#8 God really doesn’t give you situations you can’t handle

#9 Be thankful for your family

#10 Be thankful for your friends

#11 No matter how someone exited your life, good or bad, they have made some sort of impact on your life – so appreciate them

#12 Alone time can be a good thing. Learn to be with yourself

#13 Make use of every minute of every day

#14 Do things that make you happy

#15 When you feel sadness or anger, take it in and then let it go

#16 Smile as much as you can

#17 Do not eat until you are stuffed to the point where it’s hard to get up, eat only until you are satisfied. It’s okay to not finish your food at a restaurant

#18 If you don’t feel up to it, don’t work out. Stretch instead

#19 Don’t stare at people too much, they will eventually notice

#20 Stay out of gossip about other people. Saying negative things about other people is just a negative reflection of yourself

#21 Know when to stand up for yourself or when to just let it go

#22 Always say “please”, “thank you”, and “you’re welcome”

#23 Never let anyone make you feel inferior or incompetent

#24 Know your limits – to everything. Drinking. Eating. Exercising. There’s nothing wrong with testing yourself, but you’re only human

#25 Enjoy beautiful scenery and environments. The world can be a very beautiful place

#26 Don’t get embarrassed

#27 Stay creative in as many ways as possible

#28 Work towards your goals and then meet them. After that, make new goals

#29 Get enough sleep

#30 Always pee before you leave the house and always pee when you have to pee

#31 If you have no one to tell something to, write it down

#32 MONEY ISN’T EVERYTHING

#33 Don’t over-work yourself

#34 Beware of stress- it really does quite a number on your body

#35 Balance is key

#36 Relaxation is important. If you feel overwhelmed, drop everything and BREATHE

#37 Don’t feel sorry for yourself – you are wonderful

#38 Stop saying sorry for things that are NOT your fault

#39 Don’t make yourself the victim – bad things happen to people every day. Just move on

#40 Be happy with what you have

#41 Stop going on Facebook so much

#42 Not everyone is going to like you, but that’s okay. They just didn’t take the chance to get to know you which is their own loss

#43 Be enthusiastic about everything”

Now I know that was a lot to take in, but for me, I’m glad that I wrote those things down and am now re-writing them in this blog.

Looking back on it, I now remember why I wrote this.

I wrote this right after I was diagnosed with Crohn’s Disease, the Summer before my Senior year of College. It was a really difficult time for me and I had a lot that I was dealing with at the time. I wrote this list almost two years ago and it’s amazing to see how many of these lessons I have actually remembered and applied to my life. I’ve grown a lot since I wrote these, but I’ve also neglected a lot of these things. It takes time to change, but little by little, change will happen.

Hopefully this helps some of you out in your daily struggles, as they have helped me.

Renaissance [Wo]man?

This is an extension off of my last blog entry (which I would hardly call an entry at all)

I’m a firm believer in the idea that the key to happiness is balance. All parts of your life must be balanced in order for you to feel at peace. I’ve mentioned in a past entry that it is imperative to have everything in moderation; I was referring to food when I wrote that though, but either way, it can be said for all things in life.

Anyways, in terms of balance, I’d say that I do a decent job at keeping the various parts of my life in check. I recognize when I am feeling too overwhelmed with one particular thing, therefore I take my mind off of it and focus on something else- or just take a break.

The thing that I often wonder though is this:

In order to be extraordinary at one particular skill, job, sport, etc, don’t you have to somewhat throw balance out of the window?

I’m sure that Steve Jobs didn’t keep balance in mind when he was striving to build the powerhouse brand that we have come to know as Apple. I’d probably know the certainty of this statement if I had actually read his biography, but from what I hear, he was a bit of a nutcase (in a good way though)

I think and write a lot about sacrifice. Pardon me if I often repeat myself and sound like a broken record in my entries, by the way.

Sacrifice is necessary to achieve greatness. A great novelist spends hours among hours of his day on perfecting his words, the structure of his sentences, the flow of his stories. Even then so, it’s never perfect until it’s perfect.

This leads me to my next point:

Mediocrity.

That word. That taunting word. It just screams, “Hey, you’re not that good!”

It’s something I fear, something I’ve always feared ever being or becoming because really, who wants to be average?

Would it sound horrible if I said, I do?

Now, don’t get me wrong here. I don’t necessarily want to be average or “mediocre”

I’m just very content and confident in the person that I am right now along with the things that I have accomplished. Of course, I’m not done living. I still have yet to accomplish many more things that I want to do in my life, but I know that it will happen over time.

I started this blog to become more serious about writing and it has honestly helped. I get very excited at the ability to publish my thoughts whenever they come to me. I know that I can just do that with my notebook, but I care about feedback and I hope that people genuinely enjoy reading what I have to contribute to the world.

Here’s where it ties together:

I’d say that I’m an intelligent individual. I have a strong set of skills, I’m motivated, hard-working, and I strive to succeed.

I don’t concentrate on just one thing though. I allocate my time accordingly so that I can spend time on multiple things

I dedicate some time to running, some time to writing, some time to my friends, and the rest of the 40+ hours goes to my actual job, which in turn, contributes to the future of my career.

Ultimately, my point is this:

Is it really a bad thing to be just good at something.

It’s an anomaly really- the things I want.

I want to be a great writer. I want to be a great runner. I want to be a great something.

In order to do this though, I have to throw balance out of the window and kind of put all my eggs in one basket, so to speak. But where do I find the time?

To sum up this post (because I have to tie this to my title, for my own peace of mind), the definition of a “Renaissance Man”, according to Merriam-Webster is this:

Definition of RENAISSANCE MAN

: a person who has wide interests and is expert in several areas

Right now, I think I can deal with that. I may still want to add a few things to those “wide interests” though.

The Relevance of Age

To preface this entry (as I usually do), I have to say that I generally prefer not to write about people from my personal life- especially in a public space such as WordPress where they can easily find that I have written about them.

But, in order to make my point, I have to introduce this individual (who will remain UN-named) so that you can see the bigger picture.

Here it goes:

I recently ended things with a guy that I had been dating for approximately 2 months. I met him in mid-December and broke things off shortly after Valentine’s Day (ironic, I know)

His major qualm between the two of us was our age difference and to be honest, there wasn’t much of a difference at all. He’s 26 and I’m 22. From my own personal experiences, I’ve noticed that after the age of 21, people within the 20’s age-group are all pretty much in the same playing field. We’re all lost, searching for ourselves, etc. etc.

Now back to this guy…

It always irritated me at how concerned he was about the fact that I’m 22 and had just graduated college. He insisted that I still had so much to learn and so many experiences to face, which I can’t disagree with. I definitely still have a lot to learn and experience. I, on the other hand, believed that despite that one, tiny factor of age, we generally saw eye-to-eye on most things.

This may be an exaggeration, but it seemed that any time that I contributed my opinion on a serious topic, he would practically remit my contribution and insist that I still have “so much growing up to do”. And this was usually only whenever he didn’t like what I had to say.

I hated that.

Now here’s another piece of information…

My ex-boyfriend whom I dated for 3 years was his exact same age- their birthdays were actually only several weeks apart- and he never once, critiqued our relationship based on our age difference. This was also because I had far surpassed him in maturity levels.

I don’t want to sound like a young, naive, narcissistic 20-something year old who thinks that she has it all figured out, but I will say that I actually am mature for my age (at least far more mature than a majority of my friends) I’m proud of myself for how much I have accomplished as well as the life experiences that have been bestowed upon me to make me the person I am today. I was fortunate enough to graduate college in 4 years as well as get a job right out of college- even more so, a job at my favorite magazine of all time, Runner’s World. And this did not just happen because of luck, of course. I worked hard throughout college and had a great internship. I’m also a driven and self-motivated individual.

Now getting back to my point about the guy that I dated…

It’s safe to say that I was often discouraged to give my feedback on a situation whenever I talked to him because I felt that my opinion would immediately be dismissed.

I felt like an elementary-school student whose teacher would harshly tell them that they are wrong after enthusiastically answering a question.

This really made me question my credibility as an opinionated person.

But then I thought, it’s my opinion. There shouldn’t be a right or wrong, nor should it be heavily correlated to my age.

And so, the moral of this story is this:

Everyone has an opinion. It’s neither right nor wrong. It’s just how a person feels about a certain topic or scenario. Everyone experiences different things at different times. The relevance of age is that it is irrelevant. Someone may experience flying on an airplane at the age of 50, while another person has been flying on planes since birth. Experiences make up the things that we are familiar with and they shape our opinions. I’m not saying that age should be completely thrown out the window when it comes to wisdom though. I completely respect my elders and am always willing to take advice from them. As you grow older, you do gain more wisdom and insight towards life, but when it comes to dating, a 4-year age difference when you are in your 20’s really means nothing.

The verdict: Age is irrelevant.

On Poetry

At first, my vision for this blog was to heavily emphasize on my passion for running, but I’m going to mix it up tonight and lean more towards practicing my writing skills. I’ll be writing about running as well (I have an upcoming 12-13 mile run tomorrow, so expect a recap afterwards), but for now, I’d like to try something different.

I’ve always been intrigued by poetry. I was never good at it. I could never quite relay a message without saying the exact thing I was feeling. I could never turn my words into art, which is why I admire the way poets can turn their words into a beautiful masterpiece.

I’ve taken several creative writing classes when I was in college (willingly) They were not required courses nor did they fit into my schedule, but I didn’t care. I enjoyed the freedom of taking a class that you weren’t burdened to take otherwise you wouldn’t graduate. I took these creative writing classes late in the game, during my later years of college because I wanted to- and heck, I was paying for it anyways.

I had great professors and one in particular admittedly told me that I’m wasn’t good at poetry. I wasn’t offended. I knew it was true. It may still be true, but I’m glad she said it because it made me that much more determined to get good at it.

Another professor that I had in college introduced us with a poem which happened to be about poetry. Here it is:

Introduction to Poetry

“I ask them to take a poem
and hold it up to the light
like a color slide

or press an ear against its hive.

I say drop a mouse into a poem
and watch him probe his way out,

or walk inside the poem’s room
and feel the walls for a light switch.

I want them to waterski
across the surface of a poem
waving at the author’s name on the shore.

But all they want to do
is tie the poem to a chair with rope
and torture a confession out of it.

They begin beating it with a hose
to find out what it really means”

-Copyright 1988 by Billy Collins

I found this poem humorous, but true.

The funny thing is, I’m quite good at understanding and interpreting poetry, however I cannot produce it myself. It’s ironic actually.

They say that those who cannot do, teach. So maybe I’m meant to be a teacher? (I doubt it)

Now, here is a love poem which I heavily admire, by a poet who I heavily admire:

“If You Forget Me”

I want you to know
one thing.

You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.”

― Pablo Neruda

I take this poem personally. I wish I could write like this. A lot of writers draw from experience and the way that they convey their message is to make it relatable to readers. This poem is honest and true. The last stanza, which hits so close to home for me, resonates through my bones. The last stanza applies to the way that I love. I reciprocate the love that is given to me by the ones that I love. And so, in closing, here is my attempt at poetry. I used the above poem by Pablo Neruda as my inspiration.

I knew you once
for a brief moment in time
I knew your laugh
The color of your eyes
Your favorite shirt

I knew you once
The things that made you mad
The people you couldn’t stand
The way you’d react
to things you couldn’t control

I knew you once
Your smile
That look you gave me
when you were listening
to everything I had to say
I knew you loved me

But I don’t know you now
I don’t know where you live
If you have the same job
Or if you dress the same

I don’t know who you’re dating
Or if you’re happy
I don’t know if you still care
about the fact
that we don’t know each other anymore

But if I did know these things
I couldn’t move on
Because I knew you then
and now I don’t
because you’re gone

– Lindsey Lazarte