Never Forget

I’ve been working in New York City for almost two and a half years now.

I started working here on June 4th, 2012.

I moved into the city on December 1st, 2012.

I moved out of the City on May 31st, 2014.

With all the changes that have happened in my life and the lives of others over these past few years, the city seems to always remain the same. However, there are still certain days that have an impact on me and at this point, will most likely continue to have an impact on me for the rest of my life; those significant days that bring crashing waves of memories because it changed your life.

As I commuted into the city this morning to go to work, there was a difference that I felt.

Today is the 13th anniversary of the day that New York City’s twin towers were attacked. I was in my sixth grade English class at Thomas Jefferson Middle School in Edison, New Jersey when it happened. The impact of this event never hit as close to home as it has in my recent years since I’ve had an attachment to New York City.

When I entered Penn Station this morning, there was a memorial ceremony taking place in remembrance of 9/11. I was going to continue on my way to work, but I stopped to watch for a few minutes and my suddenly eyes began tearing.

I had no idea what came over me, but a wave of emotions took over and I was completely filled with sadness. As I got on the subway, I started thinking back on my life in New York City and how much it has changed me. I started thinking of all the past and present struggles in my life. I thought about why in the world I even chose to work in such an overwhelming place. As I looked around at the people who were next to me on the subway, I wondered if they were thinking the same thing.

I never thought that I would end up here. To be honest, I hated the idea of even being in the city when I was younger. I hated the smell, hated the crowds, hated the speed of everything.

Not until I started working here did I embrace this lifestyle.

This morning, I thought about how strong of a city New York really is and moreover, how strong the people inhabiting this city are. I thought about the impact that it has on millions of people.

I remembered why I fell in love with this city, with all of its seductive qualities; its chaos.

Then, realized why I became so sad this morning. I started to think about how close to home 9/11 really does hit me now and how close to home it hits to not only the people who live or work here, but to those who are outside of New York City; It hits not only just the United States, but the entire world.

New York City is made up of an endless combination of human beings. There are people living and working here who have come from every corner of the Earth. In the few years that I have been here, I’ve been moved by so many people who all have a unique story and attachment to New York City. To me, this place, this concrete jungle is my home. It’s no surprise that when I traveled all the way to Australia, I introduced myself as being from New York City instead of my actual hometown in New Jersey.

Everyone has some sort of attachment to this place. For some reason, it attracts all types of people and we will never fully understand why. It’s dirty, loud, and overall stressful to be in. But I do love it.

I’ve fallen in love a few times before – three to be exact. But the one love that has changed me the most is the love I have for New York City.

I know it’s a little melodramatic and exaggerated to say, but I fell truly, madly, and deeply in love with this place.

I watch television shows like Friends, Sex and the City, and How I Met Your Mother and I can fully understand and relate to everything that they reference.

To my friends who haven’t experienced the city the way I have, who haven’t worked or lived here, believe me when I say that you can never fully understand. There’s just something about being in New York City constantly; something that keeps us on our toes and wanting more. But, it’s definitely not for everyone.

So, on this day, when I think about the attack that happened on 9/11, I’m overcome with emotion. Because how dare someone attack something I love so much?

There will always be days that I will never forget. The day I started working here. The day I moved in. The day I moved out. And today.

Today is one of those days.

The Sick Girl Journal

“The Sick Girl Journal” is what this blog really should be called. I’m noticing that for the past few months, I’ve either been sick or in recovery from being sick. I thought that after my marathon training was over and I had finally ran Big Sur, I would be sickness-free. To my misfortune, that is completely false.

It’s mid-May and I’m still battling the same head colds and sore throats that I’ve fought throughout my entire marathon training this past Winter.

Last night, I was walking around the Lower East Side with my sister and we couldn’t stop complaining about how cold it was. I actually regretted NOT wearing a winter coat and scarf…in May.

I can already pin-point the sum of factors that cause the continual crashing of my immune system. I’m not going to bore you with listing these things because I’ve done that a few times in past entries already.

Instead, I’m going to find some sort of meaning (as I always do) in my persistent sicknesses.

I’ve written about factors, and balance, and keeping stress at bay, etc., etc. Really, that’s all I have going for me. I’ve compared running my marathon to life. Most things can be a metaphor for life. I’ve posted artwork which had the Albert Einstein quote, “Life is like riding a bicycle. In order to keep your balance, you must keep moving” This is true because imbalance causes disorder and without order, things fall apart. Of course, that’s usually where discovery comes about. Another quote I like goes something like, “Things fall apart in order for better things to come together” This is another truth. In the midst of chaos, we often find the most clarity. And I find all of these quotes true as a writer because usually, I am most inspired to write when everything is going wrong in my life and I feel like I’ve hit rock bottom or I’m going through some sort of struggle.


I have to say that struggle is the most important thing that anyone can have in life. Struggle makes people stronger. Struggle builds character. If you have never struggled, you have never had to search for resolution. I embrace struggle.

Despite how much I absolutely abhor being sick, I also have to accept it and value it. It’s a humbling experience, just as my marathon was a humbling experience. We are only human, after all. We can be easily broken. However, we are also resilient. We can rise up and fight back. We can heal.

The thing that amazes me the most about being sick is how easily I forget the misery that I felt once I am finally recovered. If only it were that easily for all things- heartbreak, loss, failure.

Never have I ever sat around moping and being sad about how sick I was. The minute that I feel all better, I start running and singing and going out again.

How easily we can jump back into the game.

But if there is heartbreak, or loss, or failure, we often don’t recovery as easily. It takes more time to heal after the initial blow.

If there is anything that I wish I could apply more to my life, in regards to being sick, it would be learning how to jump right back into living my life after heartbreak, or loss, or failure.

Of course, there are some things that need more time for grief and healing, such as the loss of a loved one. But in the infamous words of Robert Frost, “In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on”

And that’s exactly it.


(Thank you, Barney Stinson)

The Depth of a Hashtag

In continuation to my post about the beautiful weather that New York City had on Tuesday, I’d like to include more details on some recent observations I have made.

On Tuesday night, as I was walking with my sister down 3rd Avenue from the 86th Street entrance of Central Park, I noticed that we were both mindlessly documenting the amazing run we just had. Both she and I were uploading post-run photos onto Instagram and Twitter, then waiting and watching as the wave of “likes” came rushing in. We even asked each other our opinions before posting.

At first, I didn’t comment on the fact that we were doing this. I didn’t think twice about it. It was just a normal thing to do. Not until hours later when I kept checking back on my photos and status updates, did I realize how involved I was with social media.

In all honesty, I’m the type of person who is in denial of a current fad. I subtly refuse to give into the popular websites (aside from Facebook). I can shamelessly admit that only recently have I truly gained a greater understanding towards the impact of hashtags. I never fully grasped the concept of a hashtag. I thought that Twitter was so silly at first. I often said to myself, “Why do we need another website to update your status when you can just do that on Facebook?” I have repeatedly created and deleted my Twitter account approximately 3 or 4 times because I didn’t see the purpose of it. I can finally say that I have the hang of it now (for the most part).

Originally, I didn’t even know that Instagram was a form of social media. I just thought that it was an application to help make my pictures look pretty due to the lack of strong camera quality that my poor, little iPhone 3 had to offer. I never labeled my photos, followed anyone, or used hashtags to connect myself to other Instagram users. I just wanted my pictures to look less crappy and also make myself feel slightly artsy (I’m totally not)

Only recently have I signed up for Pinterest, and even with that, I haven’t had a chance to look through it because I’m too lazy to filter my interests.

Then comes SnapChat, which I got quickly bored with. Why did I need to individually send people pictures of the random day-to-do activities I’m partaking in? I can just send a mass photo-upload to Facebook or Twitter.

We are so consumed in these various social media sites that it takes up hours and hours of our day just to upload photos and statuses, look through our news feed, like, comment, and do all the other things that these sites have to offer. I have even noticed lately that I come home to my apartment to go on my computer even more after I have already been on the computer all day at work.

I catch myself purposely interrupting my life just to post about my life. Why do people even care? Why do we need to know so much about people’s whereabouts? It’s information overload. With a simple click on Google’s search engine, we are yielded with an overabundance of information on just about anything from potatoes to who Adam Levine is currently dating. It’s very overwhelming.

I recently caught up on Season 7 of “How I Met Your Mother”, which is my favorite show and I will often reference scenes from episodes. In one episode on Season 7, there was scene where the characters were sitting together at a bar, not even speaking to each other. They were just looking at their phones. Then, it flashed back to about 6 or 7 years ago, before the introduction to smart phones and the massive spike in social media websites. In the flashback scene, they were sitting together at the bar, laughing, talking, and having a good time with just each other’s mere presence.

How did hanging out with friends become so impersonal? I saw a Facebook status update of a friend who somehow had an entire conversation with her boyfriend only using “Meme“, which for those of you who don’t know, are random pictures with a statement that’s usually humorous and relates to a certain cultural stereotype- see below for example)


We have the ability to constantly communicate with someone without using a single spoken word. It’s mad! I’m not cynical nor am I opposed to social media. Clearly, I am an active social media user. At this very moment, I am using WordPress to document these current thoughts going through my head. It’s just a shame that we have become desensitized to getting to know a person organically.

Where do we even go from here?

I fear for the future and wonder about the ripple effects of this glitch in verbal communication. I guess for now all I can say is Happy Posting!

Burned Bridges

There’s something about moving to a new city that makes life so much more exciting. You get to experience a new environment. You gain opportunities to meet new people. When you leave everyone who knew you behind, you get to be anybody you want to be; far from who you were when you were home. You get to re-write yourself.

I’m back home in New Jersey for Easter weekend and as much as I hate to admit it, I can’t deny the fact that it feels great to be back here. There’s a level of comfort that you can only get when you’re at home. It’s that sense of familiarity that consumes us. It’s the feeling we get around the people who watched us grow up before we became who we are. That’s what I like at least.

Every time I come home, I can always expect the same thing because it’s the same thing every time I come home. Nothing here has changed and I think that’s why I left. Everything was always the same. I got too comfortable.

Whenever I come back, I think a lot about people from my past. I do this on my own anyways, even when I’m at my apartment in the city, but it happens more so when I’m back in Edison. It’s because of that familiarity. The roads that I used to drive on, the school that I went to, the park where I used to play. All of these places are linked to memories and people who once meant a great deal to me at one point in my life. I always get sad looking back on it because as I got older, I learned that it’s so easy to lose people. We grow up. We change. We go different paths. There’s a part of me, though, that really misses those people. This can be said for all people at the different points in my life, the ones who have been long gone and the ones who I’ve recently lost. They’ve all made me who I am today. I thank them for that.

It’s hard for me, sometimes, to accept the fact that you can’t just pop into someone’s life un-announced anymore. I get such an urge to contact people who I haven’t spoken to in months or years. Every time this happens, a rush of spontaneity overcomes me and I start this text that I end up never sending because I suddenly realize, we don’t even know each other anymore.

There’s an episode of “How I Met Your Mother” which coins the term, “revertigo” which is when you go back to being the person you were around someone who you used to know from your past. The reason for this is because you can’t really go off anything else. When you get to a certain point where catching up hardly seems possible anymore, you can only draw on shared past memories. There are a lot of people in my life who I could go without seeing for months, but once we reunite, it’s like we had never been apart for a day. But then, there’s people who I just have nothing in common with anymore. There’s nothing to say, only old jokes to stir up some laughter for a brief moment. These are the people I lose.

I’ve recently started noticing that every time I come home now, there are less and less people that I have an urge to contact. I can’t tell if it’s me, or us, or life. But I always ask myself, “At what point, do you just give up on someone?”

All relationships are hard work, whether it be a friendship or a romance. Someone has to care though. It has to work both ways. So what I wonder is this:

Do you stop trying once you’re the only one who is?

I’ve gotten to many points lately where I’ve realized that it’s just me on my own. Now that I’ve come back home and I can’t think of a soul to tell that I’m here, I wonder, am I done losing everyone from back home? Have I strayed that far since I moved to New York?

My pride gets to me sometimes. I think, well if they’re not contacting me, then I certainly shouldn’t contact them.

That’s how you burn bridges.

I feel that I’ve burned a lot of mine and when I go back to the island of Manhattan, there will be no way for my friends to get to me anymore.

A pie of pizza and 10 miles to go

So, my Friday night went a little something like this:

I had been putting off doing my laundry for about 2 weeks. Of course, it was only until I had plans to go out with my friends when I actually decided to get it done.

I did laundry for about 2 hours; I really underestimated how many loads I had to do. At that point, I was so frustrated that I just decided to stay in for the night.

Last night was a bit of a depressing night for me. It ended up being exactly what I needed though- a night to myself where I could relax and catch up on Season 7 of How I Met Your Mother on Netflix. I haven’t done that in a very long time. Oh, and did I mention that I also ordered myself a personal pie of Papa John’s pizza which I finished by myself…in a matter of about 10 minutes.


Thankfully, I knew that I was going to run that pie off today.

My night in ended up being a late night, ironically. I stayed up watching How I Met Your Mother episodes until around 4AM, so I woke up a lot later than I wanted to for my long run this morning.

When I woke up, the sunlight was beaming through my light blue curtains. The brightness woke me up which automatically put my in a great mood. My first thoughts: I’m going to run.


I stepped outside and couldn’t believe how perfect the weather was. It was ideal conditions and I started my run a lot faster than I normally would. I’d usually take it out slow, but I just couldn’t contain my excitement, knowing that Spring was just around the corner. Subconsciously I knew that going out too fast on a long run is never a good idea. After about 3 miles, my calves started tightening up and feeling sore. I clocked in at about 25 minutes for my first 3 miles. Immediately, I was nervous that this run was going to go sour, but the minute that I turned into Central Park and saw the packs of runners everywhere, the soreness in my legs went away. I was able to maintain my 8:30-minute pace throughout the rest of my run.

I was aiming for 14 today, but I cut myself off at 10 because I wanted to leave off feeling great. I also really had to go to the bathroom.

Total Time: 1 hour, 27 minutes
Total Miles: 10.20 miles


After today, I fear for a bad long run.

After today, I also absolutely can’t wait for Big Sur as it’s getting closer to April.

I still haven’t hit the mileage that I want to, but I know that I’ll get there (even though I’m really running out of time)

As mentioned in a past blog entry, factors play a significant role in the way our days pan out. You should never regret the decisions you make- only learn from them and grow.

Looking at it from a different perspective, I know that my decision to do laundry and stay in and relax was the most favorable for what I had to get done in my marathon training. This time right now, I just need to make sure that my body is in the best condition that it could be- especially for my VERY FIRST marathon.

I may have already also said in a past blog entry, but sacrifice is key when you want to accomplish a goal. Your time is precious and the way that you allocate your time makes all the difference in the long run (nice play on words there, right?)

In closing, think before you do.