When the Miracles Happen

There are moments when you should throw in the towel. Those moments when you just need to call it quits like if you’re terribly miserable at your job or if a relationship just isn’t working. At times like these, it’s okay and perfectly reasonable to give up; those times when you’re compromising your happiness.

But then, there are times when you need to hang in there. There are times when you can’t give up even if life is throwing its worst at you.

2014 is over and a new year has begun. Close your eyes and just reflect on how far you’ve come and how much has changed.

And here we are.

We made it through another year. Of course, it was not effortless.

Looking back on this past year, there were many defining moments that tested my strength, patience, and tolerance for struggle. I can’t say that it was easy, but I can say that it was all worth it.

This past year, I came across a quote which I would call my definition of 2014 and I greatly appreciate it now more than ever. The quote is:

“The moment you’re ready to quit is usually the moment right before a miracle happens. Don’t give up”

It may sound like this quote contradicts the opening to this blog entry, however, I’m using it in a different context.

Every challenge that I faced this year made me feel completely defeated. I wanted to crawl into a corner, stop trying, and claim myself ‘a failure’. Yes, this is a little melodramatic for my age, but I know people would feel the same way.

I’m thankful that I didn’t crawl into that corner because if I had, I may not have accomplished the things that came later on in the year.

The beginning of 2014 wasn’t pretty. It was a reality check.

Even now, I still don’t have it all figured out. It will take years upon years. But with each year and each defining moment, I’m getting a little closer.

Miracles happen. They don’t necessarily happen at the same time for all people, but eventually they do. Sometimes you have to give up the good to go for the great. You have to leave something behind to go after something more. You have to rediscover yourself.

This past year, I got a little closer to doing just that.

I fell in love, I explored a new country, I became part of a band, I got a new job, I got a new apartment, I got a boyfriend, I ran the New York City Marathon, and this past Tuesday, I finally got published in Elite Daily for the first time.

I wouldn’t have experienced these miracles if I hadn’t kept it together.

My advice to you is to hold out for your miracles and know that they will happen. It may take time, but the time will be worth it.

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“Word is Bond”

I often think a lot about words versus actions. I go back and forth, debating which is more important. Lately, my loved ones have been enlightening me on the importance of actions and I know that they’re right.

Have you ever heard the phrase, “The more you say, the less”? Well, in my interpretation, it means that talking too much is useless. Words mean nothing if you don’t put them into actions. Take this from someone who does a lot of talking. I often have a lot to say and when I don’t say, I write (Thank God for this blog).

Another phrase that you may or may not be familiar with is, “Word is bond”. This is a phrase that I often hold true. Unfortunately, not many people have this same mindset.

Living in New York City yields a lot of opportunity for disappointment. There are always distractions and no one can ever really commit to one plan because frankly, there are just too many options. A Saturday night can start off as a regular dinner at a Thai Restaurant in Hell’s Kitchen and end up as drunken karaoke and disco dancing in Williamsburg. You just never know where the night could go. People in the city are always running around, partially committing to several things, and attempting to cross off every item on their agenda.

Yet, when it comes down to meaningful promises, you have to be more careful.

The promises you make to the people you love and the promises you make to yourself are the ones that shouldn’t be taken lightly.

With the New Year just around the corner, I’ve begun brainstorming the list of goals I want to achieve as some of you may also have done. I know that if I write this, I am more inclined to fulfilling it because as they say, word is bond. I’ll never make a promise to myself that I cannot keep and I try desperately to do the same with the people I care about as well.

So my goal for 2015 is to try to say less and do more for the sake of my loved ones and for myself.

After all, in the end, “It’s what you do to the people you say you love. That’s what matters. That’s the only thing that matters”The Last Kiss

Hold Onto What You Love

This will be the first time that I’m writing about running in quite some time, so pardon me if I’m a bit rusty.

Somewhere along the journey of my path to “finding myself”, I lost my connection to running. I’ve had a disconnect from this part of my life ever since I got promoted to a new job within my company back in November of 2013.

I used to work directly with Runner’s World Magazine, where I had hands on experience working with the people who really made the magazine come to life. In my first year and a half of working at Runner’s World, I was fully immersed in all things running. I ran my first half marathon, my second half marathon, and eventually my first full marathon all within the very first year of working at my company. It was surreal. It was a dream come true.

However, somewhere along the way, my priorities shifted. After I got promoted, running became more of a sideline task. It became an “if I have time” item on my to-do list. Ever since that happened, I’ve felt more lost than I’ve ever been in my whole life.

Throughout my life, I’ve gotten into the habit of writing out a list of goals that I want to accomplish in the beginning of every new year. One of my goals for 2014 was to run another half marathon and full marathon. So far, I’ve gone through all of 2014 without running a single race, not even a 5K.

I signed up for the San Francisco Marathon back in January/February. By doing that, I planted the idea in my head that I was going to complete my goal of running a marathon this year.

Later in March, my friend and I decided to spontaneously book a trip to Australia (which was actually another goal on my 2014 list – to travel to a foreign country)

As the weeks went by and the San Francisco Marathon was getting closer and closer, I ended up backing out of running it. I had to sacrifice the race to save money for my trip to Australia. I had booked my flight to be exactly one week after the day of the marathon – A wonderful idea that was on my part…not.

Not running the San Francisco Marathon was devastating. I was heartbroken. I was completely disappointed with myself because I’ve never set my sights for a goal that I couldn’t eventually accomplish.

After a series of discouraging events prior to my trip to Australia, I was feeling defeated. I’ve always been a very lucky person. Things have always somehow worked out for me without ever having to put in too much effort.

This year did not follow that pattern.

But, in a bizarre turn of events, my year began looking up ever since I returned from my trip, reassuring me that things really do eventually work out…with time.

Therefore, I’m proud to announce that I will be running the 2014 TCS New York City Marathon on November 2nd, giving me hope that although I was down, I am not out.

I’ve began training again for the first time in over a year and I have never felt more alive. There’s something about running that makes me feel balanced. There’s something about it that makes me feel like I have meaning in my life. I may be wrong, but I think that’s called passion.

So my advice to you is this: If you have found something or someone that makes you feel completely alive, makes you feel completely lost if you don’t have it, makes you wake up in the morning feeling like you can conquer the world, then PLEASE by all means, hold onto it.

It’s very rare to find something or someone that you truly care about and life is just too short to roam the earth feeling lost.

Something’s Missing

My whole life, I’ve always felt like a part of me was missing – Like there was a piece that I had to find to make me feel whole inside. I’ve searched for this piece through various hobbies, friends, relationships, jobs, and so on.

To this day, I haven’t found one thing that brought continuous fulfillment to sustain my happiness. It was always temporary. A fleeting moment.

I always make lists for myself just so I can cross things off and say I’ve done them. In my eyes, that was my definition of accomplishment. And I figured that accomplishment would bring me happiness. Creating goals and then meeting them was always the idea I had of finding happiness. Of course I always felt that instant moment of satisfaction, but I can’t apply that same moment of satisfaction to my current state of mind.

I made my list – I graduated high school, graduated college, got an internship, had a long-term boyfriend, got a job after college, moved to New York City. I did all of the things that I set my mind on and now where did that leave me?

I’ve gone through countless boyfriends, jobs, apartments, etc. and none of them brought me enough happiness to carry me through my bad days.

Some people may say that happiness is a series of happenings, but I beg to differ.

I’m fully aware and confident in the fact that true happiness comes from within; that you must feel happy with yourself whether you have the things you have or you don’t.

I recently went through a breakup (or ten) with someone that I had been dating for several months. The breakup itself lasted almost 2 entire months. The reason being is that I couldn’t stand the fact of not having him around. I couldn’t imagine the possibility of being happy if we weren’t together. This is never the type of person that I wanted to become.

How could I, or anyone else, define their happiness through another person? If we do, then we clearly don’t have any control over our lives.

Over and over again, I ask myself, “Why can’t I just be happy with myself? Alone.”

To this day, I still can’t answer the question.

I don’t think it can be taught or explained. I don’t think that anyone else can show you. You simply have to experience it for yourself. I just wonder how many more shitty mistakes I’ll have to make before reaching some sort of epiphany.

When all is said and done…

When I checked my WordPress blog “Stats” this morning, I received a notification in the form of a little, orange trophy on the upper right-hand side of my page. To my surprise, I discovered that yesterday was my one-year anniversary of having registered for a WordPress acount.

If you haven’t already noticed, I feel very strongly that one-year anniversaries of certain events are very sentimental. It’s a milestone. Of course, not everything in life needs a one-year celebration. I’m talking about the bigger stuff. The things that have really affected you and continues to affect you.

On a micro-level scale, I’m still always in awe of how much can happen in a month, a week, even a day. Things in life change so often that you can never predict where you will be at any given moment. And this is why I’m recognizing this one-year anniversary of having my blog as quite an accomplishment. For an entire year, I have this collection of events that I’ve recorded and can reflect on through my own words. For an entire year, I’ve committed to up-keeping something that I created myself. Not to sound lame, but this is very exciting to me. I mean, I’m not throwing a party for it, but I am shedding light on this the same way that I’ve shed light on anything else that I felt was compelling to me; by writing it in this blog.

When I look back on past entries that I’ve written, it brings me back to remembering how I felt at a specific moment; it’s an interesting feeling. I’ve always felt that reflection is extremely important. It’s important to remember our lives. If we don’t, then what do we have to show for?

I was on StumbleUpon earlier today (a website/app that populates your categories of interest and brings you to random websites that are relevant) I landed on a website that had a list of “50 questions that you should always ask yourself” One of them, which really hit home for me, was this:

“When all is said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done?”

I’ve mentioned before that I’m the kind of person that holds true to anything I tell to anyone, including myself (especially myself). Because honestly, what do our words mean if we don’t take action on them?

This is why I’m recognizing this milestone of my blog’s one-year anniversary. Today I asked myself, “When all is said and done, will I have said more than I’ve done?”

I’m hoping my answer is yes because life is too short to think about the ‘what ifs”. I want to look back and see that I’ve done the things that I told myself I would do.

I’m glad that I have this blog to remind me of the things that I told myself this past year. It helps me remember…

New Year, New You

In an effort to avoid bombarding readers with an additional “Happy New Year!” post on New Year’s Eve, I’m going to publish this post early since it’s something that has already been on my mind for the past few months.

I caught up with a close friend last night, and we talked for hours about various topics about life. When we arrived at the topic of what our plans were for New Year’s Eve, we both began to look back on how much has changed in our lives this past year.

We’re approaching the end of 2013 and are about to begin another new year full of new experiences and memories that we’ll eventually reflect on as we, once again, approach the end of the year.

Although a new year may not seem so monumental to some people, it’s quite monumental to me. It’s a time to sit down and look back on all of the things have happened in the span of a year; the gains, the losses; the heartbreaks, the accomplishments; the failures. I always look forward to a new year and view it as an opportunity to learn and grow from the year(s) prior. I pin point the highlights, whether they be good or bad.

It’s always nice to have someone who has been there with you throughout the year; to help recall on the memories that we tend to block out; the hard times. It’s funny when we remember the hard times. Looking back, it never seems as bad as it actually was when we were in the heat of the moment. Remembering the hard times is what reassures me that I’ll get through life’s obstacles and come out of them being a stronger person, with a better perspective on life. It allows me to focus on the things that I want to change about myself.

I don’t write in my journal as much I did prior to buying my iPad, but I do still use it as another tool (other than my friends) to help me recall memories and events from past years. One major thing that I still use it for is to see if I actually accomplished the things I set out to do in the upcoming year.

I’ve developed this tradition with myself (ever since I’ve had my journal) where I list out realistic goals that I want to accomplish in that year. I’m proud to say that I typically accomplish the goals that I set out for myself. It’s because I’m the kind of person that believes that word is bond. Aside from making promises to other people, the most important promises we make are the ones we make to ourselves. If we can’t hold true to the things we set out for ourselves, how can we ever expect to hold true to the things that we tell other people?

It may seem selfish, but it’s absolutely necessary to work on yourself first before getting involved with someone or something that may take up a significant amount of our time. We should try to be the best version of ourselves, always. And this is why I’ve heavily overused the phrase, “New Year, New You” this past month as I’ve reflected on 2013 (A phrase that is a re-occurring theme for a majority of the January issues within my company’s magazine titles)

New Year, New You.

2014 is another new year where we have the opportunity to become whoever we want to be; to utilize the experiences that happened in the past year and learn from them.

Here’s to 2014.

New Goals

If there’s one thing that I can say I truly loathe, it would have to be stagnancy. Well, there are actually a few other things that I also strongly dislike, but I’ll leave those unmentioned. Right now, I’m focusing on stagnancy. I’m not religious about horoscopes or astrology, but I can agree with the description given for my astrological sign, which is Sagittarius. According the Daily Horoscope App on my iPhone, it describes me as this:

“Restless energy and the need for personal independence keep a Sagittarian moving in many directions. They become experts at adapting to the culture or climate of their immediate environment. Always ready to travel for business or pleasure (and sometimes because of an overwhelming urge to escape) Sagittarians are all too willing to break free of the confinements of responsibility and work”

Usually, I find horoscopes to be vague and applicable to almost any scenario, but in terms of personality traits, this pretty much hits the nail on the head for me.

I hate being stagnant. I get bored easily. I hate staying in one place. I need to constantly be moving or mentally engaged in something. I embrace change.

Side note: I don’t think I have Attention Deficit Disorder, but I’ve never been tested for it.

I think it’s mostly the way I am as a person. I enjoy being active. I hate to rest. And this is probably why I get sick so much. I hate to slow down (see blog entry “The Sick Girl Journal”)

When an area of my life starts feeling stagnant, I begin panicking. When multiple areas of my life start feeling stagnant, I completely lose my mind.

My half marathon/marathon training is now over and I have no immediate races coming up in the near future, so in terms of running and exercise, I’ve just been maintaining my fitness. As the days go by, I’m starting to get an itch to train again. I need something to look forward to.

But, that’s just one thing.

Now, for the big one: My career.

This is where most people usually start to lose it.

Feeling stagnant in your career can definitely drive an individual to temporary insanity. On a scale of 1-10, I’d say I’m at an 8.5

In approximately 3 weeks marks my one-year anniversary at my company. I can’t even believe it’s already been a whole year since I graduated college. I’ve accomplished so much in this past year.
As I look through my Facebook News Feed, I’m seeing an abundance of graduation pictures and status updates from friends. I feel a tidal wave of nostalgia come crashing at my face. I’m taken back to that moment for me and I feel happy. I feel happy for my friends who are graduating because they are embarking on a new chapter in their lives. For me, I’m already in that chapter and I’m eager to start another already.

Throughout college, I’ve always had an upcoming assignment that would dictate my future towards graduation- an exam, a paper, a presentation.

Similar to college, work is like that too, only you’re not graded.

When it comes to excelling in your career, you have to create it. You have to set a new goal. Apply for a new position. There are no professors who guide you. It’s in your hands. It’s in my hands now. I’ve been brainstorming ways to leverage writing into my career. I know it’s going to be tough and very competitive, but I’m willing to do what it takes.

Setting new goals in life is necessary. Similar to how I train for a race, I hate to skip a beat and I hate to slow down. I carry this mentality with me throughout my work and my life and pray to God that I get where I want to be.