Inevitability

Inevitable; A word that can bring either a positive or negative connotation depending on the context. According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, “inevitable” is an adjective defined as “incapable of being avoided or evaded (i.e., an inevitable outcome)”

The two ways [positive or negative] that a situation can be viewed as inevitable are the following:

1.) In the sense that we are destined
2.) In the sense that we are doomed

If you are typically a person that is described as seeing the glass half-full, then you would most likely go with the perspective that the outcome of a situation was destined to happen; that there are greater forces beyond our control that holds our fate. This may be due to the belief in God or many Gods, astrology, superstition, or a variety of other reasons. Regardless, people who feel that we are destined are generally optimists.

For example, let’s say a person is unfortunately diagnosed with a chronic illness. If they believe in destiny, then they will see a silver lining; a greater picture. They will feel that this was meant to happen for a reason and they will be more comfortable with the truth.

On the other hand, if you are typically a person that is described as seeing the glass half-empty, then you would most likely go with the perspective that the outcome of a situation was because we were doomed; that there is no hope and that negative things were bound to happen as if we were the victim. Similarly, this may be due to a variety of reasons as well. These people who feel victimized by negative circumstances are generally pessimists.

Now, let’s take that same situation where a person is unfortunately diagnosed with a chronic illness. If they believe that they were doomed, they will have a more difficult time being comfortable with the truth.

The truth is this: Unfavorable things are inevitable. We cannot predict them. It’s a part of life. In the simplest of phrases, “shit happens”.

But the part that matters, that part that measures our quality of life and overall mental state, is the way in which we deal with the bad situations, the misfortunes, the hardships that we encounter. The next steps after any situation are within our control. What we make of the cards that we are dealt paves a path for the direction that the situation is heading towards.

If we choose to suffer, then we will suffer. If we choose to rise above, then we will become stronger.

Life gets hard, but it’s important to remember that perspective is everything. You may not be able to foresee or control the inevitable things, but you are able to react in a way that can turn a bad situation into a good situation.

Big Moments

Two days ago was the 2nd Annual Runner’s World Half Marathon which took place in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania. A year and two days ago holds a memory that was a significant milestone in my life. It’s one of those days that you’ll remember for the rest of your life and each year will feel a rush of nostalgia overcome you on that exact day. Last year, the inaugural Runner’s World Half Marathon also happened to be the inaugural half marathon of my life. Last year, my whole world changed.

Now, I don’t mean to sound over-dramatic here, but I can definitely say that the course of my journey in life was turned upside down a year and two days ago.

Running has always been a large part of my life. Working at Runner’s World has given me opportunities as a runner that I could have never imagined. Running a marathon had always been on my bucket list. Of course, I wanted to get a half-marathon under my belt first. The Runner’s World Half Marathon was that opportunity for me.

I had no idea what to expect. I had never trained for a race of that distance before. I didn’t know how I was going to feel before or afterwards. All I knew was that I was nervous and I couldn’t believe that it was going to finally happen.

A year and two days ago, I ran my first half marathon. What I didn’t realize was that running this race would give me the courage to make other decisions that would change everything else for me. A year and two days ago was the same day that I broke up with my college boyfriend. After that, things were different. I moved to New York City and embarked on this new journey which I’m still currently traveling.

It’s amazing to look back at the course of a year. It’s even more amazing at how little we know about how drastically one moment can cause a ripple effect of bigger life-changing moments.

They say your 20’s is the time where you’re the most lost and confused. They say it’s the time of self-discovery.

Well, as I’ve written in past blog entries before, it really is.

This entire blog is documentation of this transformation period. Looking back a year ago, I didn’t realize that running this half marathon would plant a seed that would allow me to grow as a runner and a person.

This year at the Runner’s World Half Marathon, I couldn’t believe how far away last year seemed. I couldn’t believe how far I’ve come. I couldn’t believe how different things are now. Yet, I’m thankful for that moment.

I guess big moments do that to you. They make you reflect on your life. Sometimes we have to appreciate these moments. At the time, it may seem like something little, but later on it will end up being something big

As the saying goes, “Enjoy the little things in life for one day you will look back and realize they were the big things”

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2013

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2012

It’s a small world after all…

It seems, as I’ve gotten older, that the world becomes much smaller. As I begin to meet more and more people throughout my lifetime, I’ve realized that the six degrees of separation is really more like two degrees of separation.

The last place I thought I’d be saying this about is New York City. I thought that coming to a large city with millions of people would minimize the chances of me ever running into anyone I know. On the contrary, it’s enhanced the chances.

Back in my hometown, the likelihood of running into someone I went to high school with was about 80-90% depending on the day. Of course, in any town, everyone shops at same grocery stores, goes to the same movie theaters, and eats at the same restaurants. What I’ve learned is that the same can be said for a large city.

This past weekend, I traveled to Chicago for the 2013 Chicago Marathon. I went for work to help out at the Runner’s World booth at the Marathon Expo. I was so excited to travel to a new city. It’s always nice to get away from New York for a little while.

I boarded my flight on Thursday morning at Laguardia Airport. I was scheduled to leave at 9:40AM, but of course, my flight didn’t depart until around 10:30AM. While I was on my flight, I sat next to a man who was originally sitting in the seat that I was ticketed for. I kindly asked him to move, and so he did. After that, we began conversing as we waited for our plane to take-off.

I told him that it was my first time traveling to Chicago and how excited I was about going. I told him that I was traveling to work at the Chicago Marathon Expo and that I worked at Runner’s World Magazine. “Runner’s World?” he asked. “What’s the company that publishes that?” he added.

“Rodale” I replied.

“That’s funny…my daughter is interning at Organic Gardening,” he told me.

I was in absolute shock when I heard this. He continued to tell me how she also used to intern for Men’s Health Magazine in the New York office, where I am currently working. Furthermore, she happened to intern on the same floor as me while she was in New York. My level of amazement rose as he texted her and she listed names of people that she worked with, whom I know very well. I couldn’t believe it. “I somehow happened to sit next to someone whose daughter is interning at the same exact company that I work for, and used to sit on the same floor that I sit” I thought to myself.

“What a small world” he said.

I smiled and nodded in agreement.

He was holding the New York Times newspaper in his hands and flipping through the pages as he browsed the articles. He pointed to an article with a large photo of several people sitting at a dinner table and smiling.

“Hey, this guy works at Rodale,” he commented and pointed at the photo.

I looked over at the picture and was in even bigger shock to find out that it was an article written about another person who happens to work for my company and also sits on the same floor that I sit.

My mind was officially blown. I couldn’t tell if this was pure coincidence or if somehow, the universe meant for this happen. I like to believe that everything happens for a reason. We meet people in our lives for a purpose. I like to think that there is some lesson or meaning behind it. Maybe it’s because I feel that things happened to me that way. Every person we meet, we can take something from, whether it be good or bad.

When we finally arrived in Chicago, I thanked the man for the great conversation and let him know that I hope to meet his daughter in the near future. He went on to explain how much she would love to work at Rodale after she graduated college. We said our goodbyes and I went my own way.

As I look back on it and think about this encounter, I realize that one small connection could make a world’s difference. It gives me inspiration and hope that one person really can make a difference in someone’s life. It’s these small day-to-day connections that create portals, doorways, and opportunities to great things in our future.

As they say, it’s a small world after all. And you never know who you’re going to meet where ever you go.

Running and Chasing

Whenever I get into my over-analytical, over-philosophical, over-exaggerated mindset of trying to find the meaning of life, I always somehow relate everything to running. I’ve always attributed my reasons for running to the problems that I’m usually running away from. To me, running is just one big metaphor for life. Whether it be figurative or literal, I’m always running to or from something or someone.

I’m inside my head a lot. I tend to constantly read too much into things and repeatedly go over it in my mind. Whenever I find it too overwhelming being inside my head, I run. I run because it’s the only thing that can suppress my thoughts. At first, when I start to run, a million thoughts are also running inside my head. Eventually, my thoughts dissipate and my mind goes blank. Then, I’m at peace.

I wish it was that easy for me to be at peace without having to physically go for a run.

I’ve been running for my entire life. I should really say chasing.

Ever since I was young, I’ve always been impatient. I still am. I’ve always wanted things to happen right away. I’ve always wanted fast results. I guess that’s what drew me to running. The concept of time and being in control of your time.

I’ve always chased after the things I wanted because I figured that if you wanted something bad enough, you have to go after it yourself. Having that mindset has definitely helped my success in life. Being a “go-getter” is typically a good thing. However, my Mother always told me that I need to learn patience. As I’m getting older, I’ve found that to be more and more true.

There are some things that you can’t chase after. There are some things that you can’t control. There are some things that just come in time. This is a concept that has been difficult for me to wrap my head around because I’ve always attained the things I wanted by going after it. However, some of the things worth having come to you by being patient.

I don’t know how or when it’s going to happen, but I need to learn to stop running so much. And when I say running, I mean it figuratively. I need to stop chasing after the things that can’t be chased.

The Science of Success

It may be ridiculous to say, but I’ve been inspired by a book that I haven’t even read yet. I’ve been intending on reading “Outliers” by Malcolm Gladwell ever since I first picked it up at the Barnes & Noble store where I worked while I was in college.

When I read the back of the book, I was instantly fascinated and intrigued to learn about the science of success. Is there a methodology? A pattern? Or just pure dumb luck and timing? Without ever having read the book, I can only hope that my theories align with that of Malcolm Gladwell’s.

Based on personal experience, I can proclaim the theory that the science of success is based on a compilation of factors that include Methodology, Pattern, and timing. Here is why:

Below, I provide you with a breakdown of the series of events that caused the interpretation of my own success.

I.) Methodology –

I’m a firm believer in destiny. However, I also believe that destiny is determined by our actions and the decisions that we make on a daily basis. Essentially, we are in control of our own destiny. Similar to the movie, “Back to the Future”, I think that alternate lives can be created depending solely on a single choice or occurrence. Our approach to the methodology in our daily lives such as the courses that we take in college going all the way back to our decision between playing a sport or playing an instrument determines the kind of life we’ll lead. Of course, this is not set in stone, but it sure does map out some sort of direction.

In all honesty, I had no idea what I wanted to do when I first entered college. I didn’t even figure it out until the very end of my sophomore year, in which case, I still had to apply to get into my major.

My methodology?

First, I asked myself, “What do I like?”

What do I care enough about to the point where I’d voluntarily sit through numerous days of hour long classes and actually enjoy it? What have I been doing with my life up until this day?

At first, my answers seemed silly to me.

It was simple. I liked to run. I liked to write. I liked showcasing my love for these things. I wanted to be in an environment that supported my love for these things.

I chose Exercise Science, concentrated in Sport Management, because I could be in a field where I was able to be involved in the realm of Sports and Exercise, without actively participating as an athlete. I wanted to be behind the scenes.

Entering my Senior year, I knew that I was required to apply for an internship in order to graduate.

Similar to when I first entered college, I had no idea where I wanted to intern when I reached my Senior year of college. I didn’t even find an internship until after the deadline had already passed. Fortunately, thanks to good timing (which I’ll discuss in my third point) I found one that suited me perfectly.

Pattern, though, was the other factor that aided me a great deal towards landing the job that I currently have job.

II.) Pattern –

Pattern, or routine, is necessary in ensuring that you are on the right track. After all, practice makes perfect (as long as your practicing correctly)

In many previous posts, I’ve discussed how time management and the ability to balance the many areas of my life was a very significant skill set that I learned. Being able to maintain a daily pattern in my schedule helped me stay focused.

I juggled between part-time work, full-time school, a boyfriend, a social life, and relaxation time all throughout college. Figuring out a way to incorporate all of these things into my life without completely losing my mind wasn’t an easy task. Fortunately, I was able to develop a routine and stick to it.

I devoted certain hours of the day and certain days to schoolwork, my part-time job, spending time with my boyfriend, my friends, and myself.

Once that foundation was established, it was easy for me to go about my days without being stressed out all the time.

It’s imperative that one establishes some basis of routine or structure. Don’t get me wrong. I’m all for spontaneity and randomness, however, spontaneity and randomness in excess leads to chaos. And chaos leads to destruction. We need to be in control of our lives, but still be open to the idea that life throws curveballs at us.

Some like to call those curveballs “conflicts” or “struggles”, but I like to call them life lessons. And we need to take those life lessons and learn from them in order to grow. Life is all about timing. Everything happens in our lives as it should. As the saying goes, “God never gives us more than we can handle” (or something along those lines)

Anyways, this brings me to my third and last point, timing.

III.) Timing –

Have you ever been somewhere at exactly the right place or time? Well, this happens to me a lot.

My family and friends have always told me that I’m a lucky person. I always tend to find money on the ground, run into some sort of wild event, or win things.

Instead, I’d say that I just have really good timing.

There have been many times where extremely unfortunate occurrences have happened to me. In High School, I suffered a serious eye injury while playing soccer just weeks before attending Junior Prom. In college, I caught Mono and Strep Throat in the same year and then the following year, was diagnosed with Crohn’s Disease. I partied my way into Academic Warning during the first semester of transferring to Rutgers University from Montclair University. Somehow, I miraculously overcame all of these obstacles and managed to avoid major life events that could have collided with these unfortunate circumstances.

My eye was fully healed in less than the time predicted by my Doctor and I was able to attend Junior Prom. I caught Mono and Strep Throat in between the Fall and Spring Semester, in which I didn’t have to miss any classes. I was diagnosed with Crohn’s Disease during the semester prior to my Senior Year, in which I again didn’t have to miss any classes. I bounced back from Academic Warning the following semester and was able to graduate college with a 3.0 GPA.

I can label all of these things as pure dumb luck, but I won’t.

It was a combined effort of good timing and willpower.

All of the tragic events that have happened to me happened during the best timing and I’m eternally grateful for that.

This series of ups and downs throughout my college career were the building blocks for the type of future that I was going to have. More importantly, how I reacted to this series of ups and downs determined my success.

In life, we must learn that endless waves of good and bad happen to us. Our methodology of approach, daily patterns, and timing all contribute to our direction. Ultimately, the science of success is in our hands. We have to play the hand that we are dealt, whether it be good or bad.

The 20-somethings: Adult Puberty

A good friend of mine is now a middle school teacher, teaching 6th grade. She started this past Winter and I always look forward to catching up with her to hear about how work is going. I’m fascinated by her stories because her job’s responsibilities are on the complete opposite side of spectrum from what I do on a day-to-day basis. I’ve always heard that teaching middle school is the most difficult and frustrating grade to deal with. It’s the same reasoning for everyone I’ve received feedback from; middle school houses the most difficult age group- The “Tweens”. The pre-pubescent. The awkward, uncomfortable, not-so much children, but not quite yet teenagers age group. They’re still trying to grow into their own skin and don’t really know what they’re doing or who they want to be.

I’ve always found this age group to be the most irritating. They’re witty, yet irrational. They think outside of the box, but only see things from their point of view. They think they know it all, but are still trying to figure it all out. It’s an ongoing chain of contradictions. It’s annoying.

Now that I’m older, I look back on my earlier years and laugh at how ridiculous I was. I, too, was once in that age group and behaved the exact same way as my friend’s middle school students behave.

When I talk to my friends now, I’ve began to notice a similar pattern. Being in this age group is not so different from those awkward tween years. A lot of people I know are all on the same boat of trying to figure themselves out, find what they want to do for a living, and understand who they really are as a person. It seems to me that a lot of my friends are more lost than ever. We just got better at hiding it.

The 20’s are a time of self-discovery and paving the way to later adulthood. However, we still want to have fun and experience life. This is the time for us to be selfish before even thinking of settling down and getting married, having kids, and being responsible for lives other than our own. Similar to those tweens, people in their 20’s are trying to grow into their own skin.

The 20-somethings are the adult version of puberty. We’re almost at adulthood, but not quite yet.

Same mistakes

I was in Princeton, New Jersey on Friday night with my sister and her boyfriend when we passed a large, wooden caricature of Albert Einstein with a hole cut out big enough for people to put their face through. I had my sister’s boyfriend take a picture of me with my face in it and posted it on Instagram for a laugh.

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I kept checking the photo for “likes” that night and later on at dinner, Albert Einstein became a topic of conversation.

Over the span of the weekend, my thoughts condensed to more serious matters about my life when I kept thinking about Albert Einstein.

Einstein once said, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results”

If this is true, then we must all be insane; or at least I am.

As I was running through the campus of my Alma Matar the other day, Rutgers University, I was observing all of the changes being made on College Avenue. The great landmark food trucks known as the “Greasetrucks” have been moved, new buildings were being built, and old buildings were being constructed. Everything looked so different in the short amount of time since I’ve left.

I, then, reflected on the times that I spent walking down that street, rushing to class, going out with friends, and started thinking about how much I’ve grown since college. I’ve already accomplished so much and have made it so far, yet there are still parts of me that remain the same.

I’d like to think that I’ve grown and matured a great deal since I’ve graduated, but I know I still have many years of change left. Even though I’ve managed to accomplish many things that I set out to, some of my behaviorisms haven’t changed at all.

I wonder, if mistakes are made in life in order to learn from, then what does it mean if we keep making the same mistake multiple times? Does it mean we’re not learning?

Why do I insist on making the same mistakes when I already know the outcome? I must be insane.

However, I’m fully aware of the mistakes I’m making when I’m making them. I already know what the results will be. Yet, deep down, I’m hoping that something different will happen the next time around.

Maybe a part of me hopes that things will magically change; that people will magically change. But change never happens by using the same methodology over and over again.

Some people believe that things are different the second time around. As I’ve grown older, I’m not so confident in that mindset.

Looking back on my experiences, I’ve learned that life yields the same consequences when we make the same mistakes.

The thing that baffles me is this: If I already know, then why do I continue to do the same things?

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The Sum of My Parts

The last book that I fully read from start to finish was “Invisible Monsters” by Chuck Palahniuk. I read this while I was training for the Big Sur Marathon because I needed a hobby other than running to keep me busy since I swore off alcohol during that time period.

I hate to admit this as a writer, but I seldom read books for recreation. I know that I should in order to inspire different writing styles and learn from other great authors, but I continuously make excuses that I don’t have enough time (which is not true)

This book, however, inspired me a great deal in terms of thinking outside of the box as a writer. One quote, in particular, resonated with me throughout the duration of my marathon training and still resonates with me now.

“Nothing of me is original. I am the combined effort of everyone I’ve ever known.”

Since I’ve been home, I’ve made it a point to see old friends that I’ve grown up with from high school and college. I like to check up on people to see how they are doing. Fortunately, I’ve been able to hang out with various groups of friends from different parts of my life. These are the people who still really matter to me; who have been with me through significant points of growth in my life up until this day. I’m grateful to have them in my life and glad that we still reconnect when we can.

It’s interesting, the conversations that I have with my different groups of friends. They all know me from different time periods, but somehow I’ve always been the same person throughout

As I continue my journey of “self-discovery” in New York City, I constantly as myself, Who am I? What makes me original?

I try to think of all of the things that make me separate my from the pack. However, I always come to the conclusion that there is someone out there who is doing the exact same thing as me, except better. There’s always a faster runner, a better singer, a stronger writer. But then I stop myself and ask why I’m even comparing to other people. Regardless of whether there are people who can do things better than I can, they can never do it with my style, my passion, my enthusiasm. And for that, I can only really thank the people who have me made me the way I am. My friends. My family. My teachers. My coaches. My co-workers. All of the people who have entered and exited my life. All of the people who I’ve encountered for brief periods of time or extended periods of time.

I remind myself of Chuck Palahniuk’s quote, but in a way that uplifts me. I am the combined effort of everyone I’ve ever known. If it weren’t for them, I wouldn’t be the person I am today. If we didn’t have other people to inspire us, we wouldn’t get very far.

The whole self that is me is more important than the things that I do, where I work, the music I like, the food I eat.

As Aristotle once said, “The whole is greater than the sum of its parts” and I am the combined effort of everyone I’ve ever known.

Things I’ve learned since living in New York City

Last night, I had a difficult time sleeping. At the maximum, I probably tallied around 2-3 hours of sleep in total. I’ve been restless, stressed out, and agitated lately. A lot has been on my mind and I’ve been feeling like I’m going slightly insane. My scapegoat: New York City.

After having a heart-to-heart with my roommate, I was reassured that temporary insanity is quite normal when you live in the city long enough.

As a result of this realization, I made a short list of things I’ve learned since I moved here. It’s a random list, and most certainly on-going, but this is what I came up with so far…

– Every man for himself
– Know what you’re going to order at a deli, bar, coffee shop, etc. before getting to the register
– Personal space doesn’t exist
– One minute can make all the difference between being 15 minutes late or 15 minutes early
– It’s never been so easy to completely stop talking to someone
– The city isn’t as big as you’d think, aka, you can still run into people you know ANYWHERE
– Walking fast is necessary
– Dating sucks
– Buy groceries in New Jersey
– Happy hour is still expensive
– Cheap food, however, does exist
– There are a million free things to do and still have fun
– Have your metrocard ready prior to going through the turnstile
– Taxi drivers hustle you
– TIMING IS EVERYTHING
– It’s easy to feel completely alone even in a fully crowded bar
– Cockroaches are everywhere
– When looking for an apartment, you have to compromise no matter what (unless you’re filthy rich)

Again, this is definitely an on-going list. I’ve only been living in New York City for 8 months, but I’ve learned a lot about people and about myself. I’m still trying to figure it all out though.

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Hindsight Bias

I learned about the concept of “Hindsight Bias” in a Social Psychology class that I took in college. When my professor was giving examples of situations that applied to this concept, I couldn’t stop laughing and nodding my head in agreement. To this day, I still can’t help but whip out this term whenever I catch myself doing it. It reassures me that the thousands of dollars I spent on college haven’t gone to waste.

In a nutshell, the concept of “Hindsight Bias” is defined as looking back at a past event and convincing yourself that you already knew how the situation was going to end. Essentially, you say to yourself, “Well I knew this wasn’t going to work out anyways”, when in reality, you had no idea what was going to happen. However, given the information you know in the present, it comforts you to know that you were in control all along. This saves yourself from owning up to your own poor judgement. It’s a defense mechanism.

I do this a lot to protect myself and keep myself happy.

I had a lot of time to myself after running the Big Sur Marathon in California last Sunday. I took this entire past week off of work because I needed to recuperate and I was also in desperate need of a vacation. I spent half of the week remaining in Monterey while the rest of my co-workers went back to the East Coast to return to work.

During this time, I reflected a lot on my marathon, my life, my friends, my future, growing up, etc. I definitely needed this time to collect myself and my thoughts.

When I looked back on running the marathon, part of me still couldn’t even believe that I had done it. The other part of me wished that I had tried harder. I kept tracing back to every mile and trying to figure out why I didn’t go any faster. After I finished the marathon, I found out that me and my co-workers all finished within only several minutes of each other. I kept telling myself, “If only I stayed with one of them, I could have easily ran under 4 hours. If I only knew that they were so close, I would have gone faster”

Of course, there’s nothing I can do about it now. But now, I’m even more determined to run another marathon with a significantly faster time

I keep going over in my head about the things that have affected my training and the lack of miles that I logged. It saddens me that I can’t just be satisfied with saying that I completed my first marathon in the time I ran, on one of the toughest courses in America. Instead, I’m beating myself up for the “should haves” and “could haves”

I don’t want to do that anymore though.

I got back to New York City around 10:30PM on Wednesday night. I didn’t get to my apartment until about midnight. Fortunately, I had the next two days off of work, so I didn’t have to worry about waking up early.

I continued a lot of my heavy thinking. I thought more about where I want to be in 5 years and what I really out of my life (all the normal things that people in their mid-20’s worry about)

It’s funny that the moment I got back to New York City, I just wanted to be back in California again, yet when I was in California, I couldn’t wait to go back home. It’s the ‘grass is always greener’ mentality.

I started saying to myself, “My life would be so much better and more relaxing if I just lived in California”, but then I realized something: If I keep on chasing things and places and am never satisfied with what I have or where I am, then will I ever be truly happy?

This past weekend, I spent a lot of time with my friends and had the time of my life.

I realized that what I need to learn is how to be happy with where I am. As Jon Kabat-Zinn said, “Where ever you go, there you are”

No matter where I go or how far I run away from home, I’m still myself and if I’m not happy where I currently am, I won’t be happy anywhere I go.

Hindsight bias (although sometimes necessary) can be dangerous. Look back on a situation if need be, but move on. Be happy with yourself. Be happy where you are. Be happy as much as you can be.