Month: December 2013

New Year, New You

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In an effort to avoid bombarding readers with an additional “Happy New Year!” post on New Year’s Eve, I’m going to publish this post early since it’s something that has already been on my mind for the past few months.

I caught up with a close friend last night, and we talked for hours about various topics about life. When we arrived at the topic of what our plans were for New Year’s Eve, we both began to look back on how much has changed in our lives this past year.

We’re approaching the end of 2013 and are about to begin another new year full of new experiences and memories that we’ll eventually reflect on as we, once again, approach the end of the year.

Although a new year may not seem so monumental to some people, it’s quite monumental to me. It’s a time to sit down and look back on all of the things have happened in the span of a year; the gains, the losses; the heartbreaks, the accomplishments; the failures. I always look forward to a new year and view it as an opportunity to learn and grow from the year(s) prior. I pin point the highlights, whether they be good or bad.

It’s always nice to have someone who has been there with you throughout the year; to help recall on the memories that we tend to block out; the hard times. It’s funny when we remember the hard times. Looking back, it never seems as bad as it actually was when we were in the heat of the moment. Remembering the hard times is what reassures me that I’ll get through life’s obstacles and come out of them being a stronger person, with a better perspective on life. It allows me to focus on the things that I want to change about myself.

I don’t write in my journal as much I did prior to buying my iPad, but I do still use it as another tool (other than my friends) to help me recall memories and events from past years. One major thing that I still use it for is to see if I actually accomplished the things I set out to do in the upcoming year.

I’ve developed this tradition with myself (ever since I’ve had my journal) where I list out realistic goals that I want to accomplish in that year. I’m proud to say that I typically accomplish the goals that I set out for myself. It’s because I’m the kind of person that believes that word is bond. Aside from making promises to other people, the most important promises we make are the ones we make to ourselves. If we can’t hold true to the things we set out for ourselves, how can we ever expect to hold true to the things that we tell other people?

It may seem selfish, but it’s absolutely necessary to work on yourself first before getting involved with someone or something that may take up a significant amount of our time. We should try to be the best version of ourselves, always. And this is why I’ve heavily overused the phrase, “New Year, New You” this past month as I’ve reflected on 2013 (A phrase that is a re-occurring theme for a majority of the January issues within my company’s magazine titles)

New Year, New You.

2014 is another new year where we have the opportunity to become whoever we want to be; to utilize the experiences that happened in the past year and learn from them.

Here’s to 2014.

When to Call it Quits

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As a public confession, I have to admit that I haven’t been a very good friend lately. To my friends who are actually reading this, I’d like to say I’m sorry.

It’s understandable that as we get older, our priorities change. As we acquire more responsibilities, we lack the down time to see or even speak to our friends as frequently as we did when we were in school. We become busy and too involved in our own lives.

Throughout the many changes that I’ve been adjusting to in the past few weeks, months, and even year, I’ve been putting my friends on the back burner. I’ve been rescheduling on set plans or even completely dodging them. And it’s because I’ve been focusing all of my attention on performing well in my job, adjusting to a new living situation, and avoiding a mental breakdown.

The question I ask myself though, is at what point do we give up on making an effort to keep our friends in our lives? Is it when we start our career? Or get into a relationship? Move away? Get married? Have a family?

And how much time will pass until our friends stop responding to our efforts?

I guess it depends on the person.

As I’ve gone through these waves of change, I’ve done a fantastic job of shutting my friends out of my life. I can only blame myself for not reaching out to them when I was having a hard time. I tried to be strong and deal with it on my own. Because it was too frustrating for me to explain what’s been going on when all I really wanted was for them to be by my side to get through it all.

Like any relationship, friendship involves reciprocity. It only works when both sides are making conscious efforts. And like any relationship, friendships can involve break-ups.

It’s natural that people grow apart, but when do you call it quits? As sad as it is, not all relationships or friendships have a happy ending.

I guess all we can do is try our best to hold on until someone gives up.

To my friends who have already given up on me, I do miss you and I’m still thinking of you…

Getting Comfortable with Being Uncomfortable

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The beginning stages of any experience can always be slightly uncomfortable. When we’re placed in a situation that we’ve never been in before, we don’t know how to react at first. It can take a decent amount of time to warm up to the unfamiliar feelings. Eventually, once we dip our feet in and test the waters, we become more at ease. The fear of the unknown starts to fade away and we become less and less uncomfortable until we reach the point where it’s just normal.

I’m the type of person who becomes easily overwhelmed by experiences in the beginning stages. Like anyone though, I always push through the rocky start and get to smooth sailing once I’m in my comfort zone. Of course, it does take me some time to reach that comfort zone.

I’ve written a lot about the transitions that I’ve gone through this year, as well as in past years. I’ve learned that no matter what the situation may be, my adjustment process goes through the same pattern every single time.

Regardless of knowing that things will eventually be okay after a little while, I still manage to panic in the beginning stages.

Aside from being the type of person who becomes easily overwhelmed by experiences in the beginning stages, I’m also the type of person who gets easily excited leading up to new experiences. I tend to have very high expectations for upcoming events and envision them to be much more grandiose than they actually are. I think it’s because I just really want things to work out the way I want. In reality, the rule of thumb is that things don’t always work out the way we want.

(For those of you who have seen 500 Days of Summer, I’m sure you’ll enjoy the below reference)

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My Mother always told me that I need to learn patience. It’s because I always want to fast forward past the hard part so that I can get to the easy part. The thing is, the hard part is the part that counts. Learning to get comfortable with being uncomfortable is necessary. It’s a part of life. It’s something I need to learn to get better at.

Forced Togetherness

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A subject that I’ve been trying to avoid writing about is love. I’ve drifted very far from understanding the idea of it.The concept of it. The meaning of it.

Last night was one of those nights when you’re out with your friends and the conversation revolves around relationships. Unfortunately, I had nothing to contribute from my personal life because it’s been a while since I’ve been close enough to someone to consider it a relationship. Lately, I haven’t even reached the point where I didn’t have to wonder if the guy was going to text me that week.

What I was able to contribute to the conversation was a quote that I saw on someone’s Instagram. It went something like, “How lucky one must be to have someone that makes it so hard to say goodbye” I’m not exactly sure if that’s the correct wording, but hopefully you can comprehend the gist of it.

I miss the feeling of having someone who makes it hard to say goodbye.

Ever since I’ve been single in New York City, I’ve learned how easy it is to forget about someone. The hard part has been getting to the point where it’s hard to say goodbye. They say that the recovery time of a break-up is half the length of the relationship. Well, I’ve been long past my recovery time from the last relationship that I was in.

Since living here, anyone I’ve dated hasn’t even come close to retrieving relationship status. They’ve all been cut short…by me. It’s become too easy to drift away from someone, especially if your paths don’t typically cross on a daily basis.

Yesterday, I watched a Youtube video by Buzzfeed that said that many relationships grow out of “forced togetherness”. I 100% agree. It makes sense that the more time that you spend with someone, the more they grow on you (of course, it can go in the opposite direction as well; you can end up hating each other)

The more time you spend with someone in the beginning stages, the more you get to know them. Then, when you get to know them, you can decide how you feel.

However, if you cut it short, you’ll never know if it could have grown into something more.

I think what the problem is, is expecting the magic to come first. We want to dive right into love and obtain it right away. This is one of the many problems of my generation. We want quick results.

Well, what I have learned from my past is that you fall more and more in love with someone as you spend more time with them which is why it takes so much longer to recover from long-term relationships. This is also why it’s so easy to get over someone if you’ve only been on three dates with them. You don’t really have much to lose.

I’ve been expecting the magic to come first. Instead of putting in the work early on, I just want to get to the “being in love” part because I know what it feels like. I want that feeling so badly.

Many of us have had that one person that set the standards for all of our future relationships. There’s that one person that really got to you. That one person that hurt you more than you’ve ever been hurt. That one person that you’ve been so head-over-heels for that you would do anything for them.

Unfortunately, those of us who have been traumatized by that one person have been so affected that we’re incapable of feeling like we’ll ever get to that point with another person.

This is the place that I’ve arrived to.

I don’t know if I’m just not trying, or if I’ve become jaded, but I’d just rather not put in the effort of getting to know anyone anymore. It’s not a place that I want to be and I didn’t hope to be here.

Right now, I’m just waiting for someone to prove me wrong.

RACE REPORT: Big Chill 5K

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Distance: 5K (3.1 Miles)
Date: December 8th, 2013
Location: Rutgers University- New Brunswick, NJ

Yesterday, I ran my first race since August, when I ran the 5K leg of the St. Mary’s Triathlon in Huntington, West Virginia. (I still don’t count the Electric Run as a race and I never will)

I ran the Big Chill 5K for my 5th consecutive year which takes place at my Alma Matar, Rutgers University. It’s one of the largest 5K’s in the state of New Jersey, and personally, one of my favorites. Not only is it one of the more competitive races in the state, but it also contributes to a great cause. In it’s 11th year, it grows larger and larger as a well-known race where thousands of toys are collected upon race registration to donate to children during the holiday season on behalf of the charity organization, Toys for Tots. Each year since I’ve ran this race, I’ve never been disappointed with the turnout. The mixture between the sense of community, enthusiasm, and competitiveness makes this a race worth running.

The course takes you through the College Avenue Campus at Rutgers University and enters into Buccleuch Park, which is a prime running course for many local high school cross country teams as well as the training grounds for Rutgers University athletes. The final stretch of the course brings you back down College Avenue, ending in front of the College Avenue Gymnasium where the course begins. This course is quick and fairly flat, which makes it great for setting a PR (personal record) There is a slight incline in the first mile, but it’s smooth sailing once you get into the park and are nearing the finish line.

I hardly trained for the race this year, and to be honest, I typically never do because I like to run this race for fun. It has become a tradition for me and although I’m usually hard on myself with my finishing time, I always have to remind myself that ‘you reap what you sow’.

The Big Chill 5K holds a special place in my heart with great sentimental meaning because I regard this race as the milestone race that got me back into running, post-high school.

(For those of you who have been following my blog, I was very serious about running throughout high school. It has always grounded me and it still grounds me. I’ve written many times about how unbalanced I become when I don’t run)

When I first entered college, I had a hard time dealing with the many transitions that came my way. Running was a significant remedy for me to cope with these periods of change. It continues to remedy me to this day.

Running the Big Chill 5K has become a constant these past few years. It reminds me that no matter how busy I get, I can always make time to run. To clear my head. To motivate myself. To challenge myself. To heal myself.

Although I hardly trained for this race, I’m still amazed at how strong I still am. It just goes to show how mental strength can so greatly surpass physical strength. Where the mind leads, the body follows.

Overall, I had another great year at this race and I plan on continuing to run this race no matter how un-prepared I may be.

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23

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Lately, life has been moving too fast for me to be able to sit down, collect my thoughts, and put them out in the world. I’ve been holding everything in, which has been quite noticeable through the lack of writing I’ve been doing on this blog. It seems that time goes by much faster when you’re not watching it. From my last entry up until present day, I’ve gone through enough changes for it to feel like it’s been a whole year. Now that I’m looking back, the vast collection of changes that have happened to me since I’ve moved to New York actually does add up to a whole year. Yesterday, I acknowledged the fact that I moved into this city exactly one year ago on December 1st, 2012.

A whole year of my life has been devoted to this city; experiencing it, learning from it, growing from it. This past month alone, I’ve transitioned from the very first job that I obtained as a college graduate to a new job in which I was recently promoted to in November. Within the same week of adjusting to this new role, I also found out that my roommates decided to not re-sign the lease on our apartment (my very first New York City apartment). This is a lot to digest in just one week.

In the span of one month, I’ve managed to transition into a new job, move out of my first New York City apartment, and move into a new apartment. The phrase that I’ve been using lately is, “When it rains, it pours” and I’ve found this to be completely true.

The entire month of November, it has been pouring and I just wish I was more prepared, but I guess there’s only so much you can do but roll with the punches. Life throws these things at you and that’s the beauty of it. You can never predict what’s coming next.

Most of my close friends have seen me through this time of transformation. On the outside, it may have appeared that I was keeping it together, but on the inside, everything was falling apart. Piece by piece, I’ve been shedding a lot of layers in terms of finding out how much I can handle before I completely break. I’d say that I was pretty close to breaking this month.

But I didn’t.

On a more positive note, I believe these changes were necessary. Change is always necessary. Chuck Palahniuk had a quote in a book that I read a few months ago called, “Invisible Monsters”. The quote went like this:

“The only way to find true happiness is to risk being completely cut open”

Well, I’ve been trying to find true happiness for quite some time since I’ve moved into New York City and I like to think that I’m getting a little closer with every obstacle that life has thrown at me.

I never imagined to be where I am today, at this young age of 23. I really had no idea what to expect. From observing my friends’ personal experiences at this age, I wasn’t exactly looking forward to it. A lot of the songs that were written about the age of 23 aren’t the most up-lifting, but I couldn’t understand why. Now that I’m here, I get it.

This is an uncomfortable age. They say that people in their 20’s have a hard time dealing with this period of “quarter-life crises” This is when the big changes happen; it’s the most confusing, lost, and vulnerable time of your life.

It’s exciting in a way, though; the unknown. I suppose this is also why your 20’s are also regarded as the best time of your life. Our lives are still in the making. We haven’t settled yet. There are still more surprises.

In the short amount of time that I’ve been in my 20’s, I can tell that I still have many more changes coming my way.

23. I’m ready for you.