Category: Personal Growth
Routine
After a mini-hiatus from blogging and running, I’m now refreshed and ready to get back into a routine again.
It’s interesting how intertwined these two areas of my life are. It always seems that the amount of miles I run heavily impacts that amount of writing I produce (More miles = more blog entries)
I recently ended a 39-day running streak, courtesy of the Runner’s World Run Streak, that I participated in.
For the past few weeks, I was counting down the days until I could stop my legs from moving that fast. Once July 4th hit, I wrapped up my last day of the running streak with an easy 4-miles in Central Park. The next day, I relaxed more than I have in the past few months. This continued until the following Wednesday.
Taking a step away from running and writing gave me the time I needed to break out of my routine, kick up my feet , and not worry about logging any runs, re-arranging my schedule, or missing out on events due to my running streak.
It was nice to take a breather.
Alas, I’m back and in the right mindset again.
I’d say that the longer I stay away from running, the more chaotic my life seems to get. It’s definitely the glue that holds everything together for me.
Happy Miles 🙂
Every second, every minute, every hour
It only seems appropriate to write about the inexplicable mystery that is “time” on the longest day of the calendar year.
The first day of Summer.
I’ve most likely already made some sort of reference as to how much I’ve realized just how precious every second of every minute of every hour is ever since I’ve moved into New York City.
Maybe it’s just more noticeable in New York City because our entire days are based off of a schedule that we cannot control; the bus, the subway, the train…public transportation in general. If you’re even a second late walking through that turnstile in the subway, you could miss your train to work, or to a friend’s house, or going back home. That very instance could drastically change the entire course of your day.
It’s impossible to trace back to the very moment that could have made everything different though. Instead, it’s a compilation of the tiny moments and milliseconds that we were early or late.
We’re always in a rush in New York City.
Everyone always has somewhere to be and other people are just an obstacle standing our way.
But the thing that really gets to me is the interactions that we have (or don’t have) with the people around us.
Call me an ooey-gooey romantic, but I always have that ongoing fantasy of bumping into the love of my life at a coffee shop or on the subway in passing or in Central Park.
For the millions of people who live here, it’s really difficult to take the time to get to know someone that way. That’s definitely something that I’ve been adjusting to over the course of time that I’ve been here.
My inspiration for this blog entry comes from the people whom I have met since I’ve moved here, but have completely vanished only a few months or weeks later after meeting them.
New York City is all about speed. Instant results. Everything has to happen fast because we can’t waste a minute of our time. I’ve learned this due to the short-lived collapsed relationships that I’ve had.
I’ve also learned that jumping too quick into anything never yields long-lasting results.
It’s true that every second of every minute of every hour counts. Making it last, however, now that’s a whole different story.
On this long, long first day of Summer, I wonder where I’ll end up or meet.
Spontaneity
Lately, my unplanned days have ended up being my best and most happy/exciting days. And for me to say this is absolutely shocking (This is coming from someone who’s life is based on the very foundation that everything must be pre-planned, pre-known, and pre-meditated)
However, knowing as much as I could possibly know about myself up until this point, I’ve realized that trying to be too in control of a situation never works out in the end. It often just leaves me with high hopes that are eventually shattered into a heaping pile of disappointment. That, or, I mess things up before they even begin. Or get sick.
Yesterday marked my 24th consecutive day of running, (due to the Runner’s World Run Streak) but more importantly, it was also a 5K PR day for me.
My co-workers and I spontaneously decided to do a 5K race in Prospect Park in Brooklyn. Originally, I had plans to attend a “Runner’s Happy Hour” event that I was invited to by another co-worker. Instead, I decided to change up my plans and run the 5K because honestly, I’d rather spend $5 on running than $5 on drinking.
I found that it ended up being the best decision I made all day.
I had no expectations for this race at all and I learned that when you make a spontaneous decision that fast, there’s really no time to over-think the situation or stress out about the outcome.
I’ve always envied people who would just “go with the flow” or “let things happen” I never understood how someone could live like that. I was always a believer in “If you want something, go get it”, and that’s how I’ve always done things. That’s how things have always worked out for me in terms of success.
Yet, I now know that this mindset doesn’t apply to every situation, especially when it comes to having fun.
Yesterday, I went with the flow and let nature take its course. I didn’t stress or worry, and I ended up placing 1st in my age group and running a 5K time of 21:30 that I never imagined I could get back to after high school. It was a small restoration in my confidence and my overall quality of life.
A re-occurring theme that I am now settling on for this blog is balance. It’s a skill that I’ve been trying to grab a hold of and will continue to grab a hold of for the rest of my life. It’s necessary.
Sometimes you need to be serious, and sometimes you need to be fun. Not too much of one or the other.
So, I will leave off with this quote:
“Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all” – Helen Keller
Identity Crisis: Online versus In-Person
In the current realm of social media, it’s easy to claim oneself as anything they want. Through the internet, you can create an online-version of yourself, who has an insurmountable number of talents, skills, hobbies, professions, etc.
And in terms of personality, you can be funny, political, philosophical, dramatic.
You can be as passive as you want or as aggressive as you want; Say little to nothing or tweet every 27 seconds.
Basically, anything goes. Every post is fair game.
However, the downside to this is determining authenticity and credibility.
In my Freshmen year of college, I wrote a paper (which I still take a great deal of pride in) about the impact that Wikipedia has on education and the way students learn. I wrote this paper 4 years ago, and I’m even more blown away by how quickly information is relayed over the internet.
There are almost no surprises anymore. We know everything about everything and everyone.
Getting back to the topic of online-versions of people, there are two ways to look at it:
- Social Media simplifies the way we get to know people
- Social Media complicates the way we get to know people
To start with the first point of view: Social Media simplifies the way we get to know people
There are a few things…
Getting the dirt on someone nowadays is very accessible. A majority of people across the globe have at least one online profile of some sort, whether it be Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Pinterest, Instagram, Youtube, Vine, OKCupid…the number of platforms are endless. Even if they didn’t create a profile themselves, the chances are that there is a website out there that has already created one for them.
Gathering information online and piecing it together to form a hypothesis about what a person is really like is not exactly rocket science.
Similar to a way a person carries themselves in real life, such as the way they walk, talk, sit, etc., is the same as the way a person carries themselves over the internet. The pictures they post, the links they share, the statuses they write. Most people can draw assumptions off of someone based solely by looking at their profile picture. And then there’s the information that they post.
The “About Me” section is critical. No one wants to seem too much of a certain way, so they try to sum themselves up in as many different descriptions as possible.
People include their job, musical preferences, the school they went to, the kind of food they like, the movies they enjoy…the list goes on.
This is the part that simplifies everything.
Many girl friends of mine create pros and cons lists to evaluate certain situations. Typically, it’s for the guys they date. Here’s an example:
Pros:
- Has a good job
- Is athletic
- Likes Mexican food
Cons:
- Too short
- Just got out of a relationship
- Lives too far away
It’s easy for anyone to weed out the traits that we don’t like before we even meet person
And onto the second point of view: Social Media complicates the way we get to know people
The tricky part is that it’s really unfair to judge a person that you’ve never even met in person.
Again, similar to the way a person carries themselves in real life, we can make the same judgments in person as we do online.
But as the saying goes, “You can’t judge a book by its cover”
You always have to give people the benefit of the doubt. Chances are that you are wrong about them…or right. It can go either direction, but that’s exactly why you have to see for yourself.
Disclaimer: Meeting people is at your own discretion. I am not an advocate for online dating or anything of that sort.
In summation, you never really know what a person is like. Sometimes there are people that you have known in-person for years, but still haven’t quite learned everything. It’s impossible.
We’re all complicated individuals. Every experience has molded us differently. So again, you have to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. People could surprise you and like I said, it could go either direction.
The Human Spirit
I haven’t wrote much about running lately. It’s because I was sick all of last week with laryngitis and took a week off to rest. I started running again on Monday, the minute I felt that scratchy feeling leave my throat and lungs.
I’ve stayed indoors to run the past three days. I ran 3 miles on the treadmill at the gym on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday- all with consistent times. Happy to say I haven’t lost the spring in my step, even after finishing a marathon a few weeks ago and then being hit with severe sickness.
I felt a sense of euphoria again; like all was right in the world (or my world at least)
I wasn’t ready to take it out on the pavement yet because I always get too excited when I run in Central Park once I see the herds of runners surrounding me. I didn’t want to overdue it. I stayed inside to ease back into the game.
I’ve noticed that as I’ve gotten older, I’ve become more of a lone-runner. People always ask me to run with them and I tell them, “Yea, definitely!”, but it never happens because I always seem to keep to myself. I’ve said this many times before, but I value my running time as my alone time. My time to sort through my thoughts, relieve any stress, and be with myself.
However, I’ve learned that it’s somewhat unhealthy to be that way. Sometimes, you really need people.
This morning, we finally received the long-awaited July 2013 issue of Runner’s World.
The instant I saw the cover, my heart sank. This was the issue that was dedicated to the Boston Marathon bombings that took place on April 15th. The day that turned the running community and the entire world upside down.
It feels like so long ago, but when I flip through the pages, every word recalls the feelings I felt like it was just yesterday.
As I was reading the Editor’s letter from our Editor-In-Chief, David Willey, I found one quote from Michigan Race Director, Don Kern, that resonated throughout my mind and heart:
“If you’re trying to defeat the human spirit, marathon runners are the wrong group to target”
This holds true to me in every way possible, especially now that I can proudly call myself a marathoner.
Most people don’t understand why runners run.
It’s much more than just a work-out, or keeping yourself healthy and fit. Those are actually just bonuses. It’s much more than that.
It’s a mentality. A state of mind. An outlet.
Most importantly, it’s about community.
The human spirit is an amazing thing. It’s resilient. We can be beaten and torn, but not broken. Runners, amongst all other, have proven that after the Boston Marathon bombings. To be able to rise above all the tragedy that has happened and come together stronger than ever is the miracle of the human spirit.
Runners are determined, motivated, persistent and nothing can stand in the way of that. Not a bomb, nor anything else.
I’ve learned that a sense of community is really one of the biggest reasons for why I love running. As I stated earlier in this entry, once I get into Central Park to run, I always get too excited. I immediately feel inspired and uplifted, regardless of however I was feeling that day. It’s because I know they just get me. They get why I do this.
In running and in life, we need the feeling that there are people who are going through exactly what we are going through. We need that comfort. The Boston Marathon bombings was a wake up call to the world.
The human spirit cannot be broken.
“Even when our heart aches, we summon the strength that maybe we didn’t even know we had, and we carry on; we finish the race…On that toughest mile, just when we think that we’ve hit a wall, someone will be there to cheer us on and pick us up if we fall.” – President Barack Obama
Chapters
“I think I’ve always been half out of my shell and half in. Sometimes I can be extremely wild and sometimes I can be extremely shy. It just depends on the day” – Emile Hirsch
I watched the movie “Into the Wild” tonight.
For those who haven’t watched it yet, I recommend that you do.
I was recommended to see it by a guy that I dated for a brief moment in time. After watching it, I have a much better understanding of his perspective on conformity and society.
In the movie, the character (played by Emile Hirsch) leaves everything behind to lead a life free of material possessions. He goes into nature, far from any form of civilization, to be with himself.
I don’t want to spoil the movie for anyone, but basically in the end, he comes to terms with his own self-actualization and discovery.
I’m not going to go off on some long tangent about the foolishness of the human race, but I will say that people are getting more and more bored with their lives.
After the invention of social media websites that refrain us from actually making personal connections with people, we’ve become jaded. We’re always in the know when it comes to other people’s personal lives.
Why reach out when you can just secretly snoop? Why say anything at all?
But we do.
We say everything over the internet. So much to the point that nobody cares to hear it anymore. I feel guilty even publishing my views via WordPress. But of course, I’m conforming to the norm of getting your voice heard through the internet.
It has to go somewhere right?
Similar to the character in the movie, I sometimes feel the urge to pack up my things and run away from people. Run away from everyone I know and just go somewhere completely new. But what good would that do me if I haven’t even closed the chapter on where I am now?
I think we need to learn how to face our fears. Stare them down and confront them. Overcome our feelings of uneasiness.
I’ve struggled for a long time with finding inner-peace. I would continuously look for happiness from being in a relationship or accomplishing a goal or something along those lines.
I’m still on that journey to self-discovery. I know I can’t run away yet. I’d be leaving an entire chapter unwritten and I guess this is why I’m even documenting my life in this blog.
Just filling in the chapters.
“There You Were”
An Original Poem:
“We were short-lived
A life we made up
Looking back
Where did our time go?
We rushed in
Like fools
Running into a wall
Brace yourself
We’ll crash soon
I wanted so badly
To be in love
I took you in with open arms
I reached for anyone
And there you were”
– Lindsey Lazarte (Written February 28th, 2013)
New Goals
If there’s one thing that I can say I truly loathe, it would have to be stagnancy. Well, there are actually a few other things that I also strongly dislike, but I’ll leave those unmentioned. Right now, I’m focusing on stagnancy. I’m not religious about horoscopes or astrology, but I can agree with the description given for my astrological sign, which is Sagittarius. According the Daily Horoscope App on my iPhone, it describes me as this:
“Restless energy and the need for personal independence keep a Sagittarian moving in many directions. They become experts at adapting to the culture or climate of their immediate environment. Always ready to travel for business or pleasure (and sometimes because of an overwhelming urge to escape) Sagittarians are all too willing to break free of the confinements of responsibility and work”
Usually, I find horoscopes to be vague and applicable to almost any scenario, but in terms of personality traits, this pretty much hits the nail on the head for me.
I hate being stagnant. I get bored easily. I hate staying in one place. I need to constantly be moving or mentally engaged in something. I embrace change.
Side note: I don’t think I have Attention Deficit Disorder, but I’ve never been tested for it.
I think it’s mostly the way I am as a person. I enjoy being active. I hate to rest. And this is probably why I get sick so much. I hate to slow down (see blog entry “The Sick Girl Journal”)
When an area of my life starts feeling stagnant, I begin panicking. When multiple areas of my life start feeling stagnant, I completely lose my mind.
My half marathon/marathon training is now over and I have no immediate races coming up in the near future, so in terms of running and exercise, I’ve just been maintaining my fitness. As the days go by, I’m starting to get an itch to train again. I need something to look forward to.
But, that’s just one thing.
Now, for the big one: My career.
This is where most people usually start to lose it.
Feeling stagnant in your career can definitely drive an individual to temporary insanity. On a scale of 1-10, I’d say I’m at an 8.5
In approximately 3 weeks marks my one-year anniversary at my company. I can’t even believe it’s already been a whole year since I graduated college. I’ve accomplished so much in this past year.
As I look through my Facebook News Feed, I’m seeing an abundance of graduation pictures and status updates from friends. I feel a tidal wave of nostalgia come crashing at my face. I’m taken back to that moment for me and I feel happy. I feel happy for my friends who are graduating because they are embarking on a new chapter in their lives. For me, I’m already in that chapter and I’m eager to start another already.
Throughout college, I’ve always had an upcoming assignment that would dictate my future towards graduation- an exam, a paper, a presentation.
Similar to college, work is like that too, only you’re not graded.
When it comes to excelling in your career, you have to create it. You have to set a new goal. Apply for a new position. There are no professors who guide you. It’s in your hands. It’s in my hands now. I’ve been brainstorming ways to leverage writing into my career. I know it’s going to be tough and very competitive, but I’m willing to do what it takes.
Setting new goals in life is necessary. Similar to how I train for a race, I hate to skip a beat and I hate to slow down. I carry this mentality with me throughout my work and my life and pray to God that I get where I want to be.
The Sick Girl Journal
“The Sick Girl Journal” is what this blog really should be called. I’m noticing that for the past few months, I’ve either been sick or in recovery from being sick. I thought that after my marathon training was over and I had finally ran Big Sur, I would be sickness-free. To my misfortune, that is completely false.
It’s mid-May and I’m still battling the same head colds and sore throats that I’ve fought throughout my entire marathon training this past Winter.
Last night, I was walking around the Lower East Side with my sister and we couldn’t stop complaining about how cold it was. I actually regretted NOT wearing a winter coat and scarf…in May.
I can already pin-point the sum of factors that cause the continual crashing of my immune system. I’m not going to bore you with listing these things because I’ve done that a few times in past entries already.
Instead, I’m going to find some sort of meaning (as I always do) in my persistent sicknesses.
I’ve written about factors, and balance, and keeping stress at bay, etc., etc. Really, that’s all I have going for me. I’ve compared running my marathon to life. Most things can be a metaphor for life. I’ve posted artwork which had the Albert Einstein quote, “Life is like riding a bicycle. In order to keep your balance, you must keep moving” This is true because imbalance causes disorder and without order, things fall apart. Of course, that’s usually where discovery comes about. Another quote I like goes something like, “Things fall apart in order for better things to come together” This is another truth. In the midst of chaos, we often find the most clarity. And I find all of these quotes true as a writer because usually, I am most inspired to write when everything is going wrong in my life and I feel like I’ve hit rock bottom or I’m going through some sort of struggle.
Struggle.
I have to say that struggle is the most important thing that anyone can have in life. Struggle makes people stronger. Struggle builds character. If you have never struggled, you have never had to search for resolution. I embrace struggle.
Despite how much I absolutely abhor being sick, I also have to accept it and value it. It’s a humbling experience, just as my marathon was a humbling experience. We are only human, after all. We can be easily broken. However, we are also resilient. We can rise up and fight back. We can heal.
The thing that amazes me the most about being sick is how easily I forget the misery that I felt once I am finally recovered. If only it were that easily for all things- heartbreak, loss, failure.
Never have I ever sat around moping and being sad about how sick I was. The minute that I feel all better, I start running and singing and going out again.
How easily we can jump back into the game.
But if there is heartbreak, or loss, or failure, we often don’t recovery as easily. It takes more time to heal after the initial blow.
If there is anything that I wish I could apply more to my life, in regards to being sick, it would be learning how to jump right back into living my life after heartbreak, or loss, or failure.
Of course, there are some things that need more time for grief and healing, such as the loss of a loved one. But in the infamous words of Robert Frost, “In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on”
And that’s exactly it.
(Thank you, Barney Stinson)
Lindsey Lazarte 